why

.................................
it's been 3 months now... I guess I had hoped that this stuff would be ending, rather than beginning. Because there's no chance of anything happening between him and I until he has pursued stuff with her. And who knows how long that will take. And it sucks because before she came into the picture, things were going pretty well with us. I thought we were moving closer towards maybe something happening. But then this what if popped up and now it's off to a good start. And I'm trying my hardest to accept how things are but it's really hard. Shit keeps getting thrown at me. I really am trying to do my best. But I don't really know what to do or what to think. I guess I am just bummed. Things were moving along for us and now this has put a stop to it. And he says nothing has changed but I don't know if that's true. I mean, I don't want anything to have changed, I want things to go back to normal, but can they?
And he has told me to move on. And for now I think I'm doing the best I can as far as that goes.
I hope things don't take too long to figure out. Because yeah, the first date went well, but you never know what will happen after that. Who knows if a relationship will come out of it........ And during past breaks, he has gone after other girls... so this has happened before and I've had to deal with it before... But this time, it's different. Things with us were so much more serious this time around.
I am trying so hard to believe that if we are meant to be together, eventually we will be. Fate. It's something that everyone wants to believe in but is never 100% sure it's right and true.
I'm trying to be ok. I am. But I'm also crying.
Oh and looky here. I'm listening to music and the one song that has really made me think of him during this break up just came on. Ask me about it if you want.
It's crazy how fast things change and how completely they change in that little time. So who knows what things will be like in even a week from now.

Just know that I am seriously trying my best to keep moving forward and living life and I am trying so so hard to be happy. I just know that I still want you so it's hard to try to make the most out of every day when I can't because of how things are. Like I always want to strive to make every day the best it can possibly be, because you just never know when your last day is going to be. But I can't do that if you won't let me. If that makes sense at all?

We have something really special................... right?

....you can always text me responses to things I have said on here, ok? Feel free to do that if you ever want to