winter

tomorrow is the first official day of winter. But if anyone knows MN at all, they know that it's been winter for a solid month now. And I'm still doing good :) Truthfully, I feel like I'm doing better than I was last year at this point. Which is great. I meant there is still January and February of solid winter left to endure, but so far, it hasn't been that bad. Maybe it has to do with the fact that this is my last everything of being at home. Last Christmas Break, last Christmas, last snow falls. So I really want to make the most of it. Maybe that's cheesy but whatever :P Or maybe I've been learning how to tolerate winter better :P either way, much improvement. And I'm excited for us to do Christmas presents, even if they aren't anything really big. It's still meaningful. If anything, it's the thought that counts. And it's sounding like New Year's will be interesting. I've got a question or two about that. I mean, I wouldn't mind not coming home that night :P anywho, I hope it's a really great Christmas break! :)

Maybe just don't read

Here it comes. I'm on the cusp of a blog rant.

Ok so there was literally no issue or drama until you made it T. You keep trying to force your thoughts and beliefs down my throat. You don't get to control how I live my life and the more you try to influence me, the more I don't give a single shit about what you are saying. Forget the haters. It's my life. It honestly isn't even any of your business. You're making it your business. You're the one making this a big deal. Cuz to me, I'm good. I realize my situation and I'm just having fun with it. Im not under any illusions. And I can actually separate sex from a relationship. You're the one that doesn't get that. But to me, it's just the sex. And really good sex at that. Sex does not equal relationship. I don't think you get how much my mentality has changed. It's strengthened, hardened. I'm stronger than you give me credit for. Like to me, I can see him and I together in the future. I think it's probably going to happen at some point but we both have to be ready for a relationship before then. And for now, we are both single so why can't we have fun with it. Why can't two people who love each other just hang out and enjoy each other? I'm just saying, it's not fair to me that you have to put in your two cents about my life constantly. It's not up to you. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. I honestly have so much fun and feel good when I'm with him. We genuinely have a great time. So could you please just back off of my life. I'm not fragile, I'm not incompetent. I see exactly what's going on. Just let me do my thing. And I know this sounds like I'm bitching you out. But I'm just telling how if feels on my side. You are always judging me and telling me I'm wrong. Oh and whatever is going on with me and Zach should truly not affect us. How does it? It only does because you make it. I don't involve myself in your relationship. Just saying. And if you are getting mad at me for this, just realize I'm doing to you what you have constantly been doing to me. And I tried telling you that it sucks that you always lecture me and judge me but that seemed to go in one ear and right out the other. I tried. I tried hinting at you that enough is enough. Well now here it is in blunt format. Maybe now you will listen. You don't get to decide what is right and wrong in my life. I do. And like I said, I'm not like meaning this as yelling at you, it's just me sharing my side. 

choose

could you please pick one or the other? Cuz gah, as much as I love you and hanging out and how we have been lately, especially the past couple of days, it sucks that she isn't out of the picture and you can't have both of us. But I really want you and us and all that. So yeah. This is kinda my chicken shit way of bringing it up to you. Because I don't want to mess things up, but yet I don't know if I could just keep it in my head.