just clothes?

so after a couple days of some shopping, I think I'm going to end up having a more edgy style this year, complete with lots of black, studs, and leggings. But they're just clothes... right? I can't tell if it's just my clothes getting a tougher look or if I'm getting tougher too. Thinking about it now, I think I'm getting stronger. Maybe my sudden likening to this edgy stuff is my strong, tough side coming through. Who knows, maybe I'll end up hating it all by November. Because in the end, they are probably just clothes and I'm just over analyzing yet another thing.

I wasn't mad, I wasn't trying to start anything, it just hurt my feelings. I'm sorry if I came off as being mad and bitchy and such. I know I sometimes have a hard time expressing my feelings well. Idk I just wanted to say something about it, even though I don't even know if you still look at this. But hey, it's in the past now. Forward ho :P

independent thinking

I'm not going to let us not being together affect my senior year. I'm going to have a blast, with or without you.

doin better

so I think I've been doing better today :) I'm really glad things with us, T, seem like they will go up from here. And I have plans with L tomorrow and I'm actually really excited. I forgot how much I like her! I hadn't talked to her since probably the end of my vacation and forgot how nice it is to talk to her. Maybe towards the end of summer, T and L and I could have a sleepover? It could be a lot of fun, especially right before the start of our senior year. Girl time with the 3 of us hasn't happened in seriously forever. I miss it! So we will see, it's up to you T. Let me know if fro yo next week still sounds good. I'll find out my schedule tomorrow so we can work something out then if ya want

conversation

it sounds like that conversation was long overdue so it's really good that we finally had it. This is probably going to be a lot of the same stuff that I already told you, but for some reason I feel like saying it again. I honestly didn't know that was going on but now things have been hashed out and I think we actually really needed it. I think now we can move forward. And that is what I have wanted all this time. Keeping it all bottled up clearly didn't do us any good and now we understand each other better and I think we both feel better. I'm going to do my best to use what you said and I really hope things get better from here. And I think fro yo or something next week sounds like a really good idea. I think it will help us get back to normal. Or back to normal-ish at least. I think the next few weeks are going to be full of steps forward

reach

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should try to reach out to you or just keep waiting. I mean it's been almost a week again since we have talked. I don't know. I don't want to try talking and just have it make things worse again. Because I just want things better. So I just don't know. :(

my fault

I get it, it's seriously all my fault. But I'm so ready to have us move on and hang out and have fun together again. This is just my opinion, but I think hanging out might be a decent way to have things move forward. But that's still up to you and if you're ready. I guess it especially makes me sad because this is supposed to be the time of our lives. It's supposed to be so fun. So just let me know. I'm hoping it's soon but at this point I have no idea.      We are going back to school shopping at MOA Saturday... and if you're ready and don't mind getting up early, I'm sure you could come with? I get that it's probably got a small chance, but I figured it was worth a shot.

goodnight

if I got a goodnight text tonight, or any night really, holy shit that would make me really happy, you have no idea. Especially nights like tonight, where I've been sad and having a hard time. So yeah

pp

being a positive person is really hard when you don't really have that much to be positive about.

part two

so I ended up getting really off track and then never got back to the initial topic of school coming up again. I also didn't really have time since I had to go to work :P so here's some more.

Right now, I'm still really enjoying it being summer. I love summer. But at the same time, I am really excited for senior year! I am so ready to kick senior year's ass and have a blast. We are going to have the time of our lives. And then in a year, it's off to college and hopefully our living situation? :)

only a month left

Well, there is only a month left of summer. Yes, that's still a third of summer, but it's going to go by so fast. And looking back, I think it was a pretty good summer. It started off really great and I hope it ends the same way. So hopefully T is ready soon. Cuz I need her! It can't be a great end of summer without her! And Z, we neeeeeed to watch more Big Brothers, like really soon! Or we are never going to have a chance at finishing it :P And I know you work a ton this week, but surely there is some time we could hang out? Pleeease? Maybe we could go get ice cream again too? I'll treat ;) Oh and we also really need to go to valleyfair again too! Sounds like this week is out but next week? I wanna go at least twice before school starts. I could drive once too, if you will let me :P I just really wanna make the most of these last few weeks of summer.

I know we kinda already talked about this, but I'm gonna bring it up again. Remember back when I first got my job and we were having some trouble with our schedules working out so that we could spend time together? And we said we would make it work? And that part of making it work would be for me to be understanding and not get upset or bummed when it doesn't work out? I'm really glad that you think I have been doing a good job with that. I am proud of that :) I've been trying to be more easy going and let things go, and that is just confirmation that I have been doing well. And I try to be really nice about it when I ask you when would work for you and stuff like that. Because I'm trying to make it work. I guess it would just be nice if you could actually give me an answer when I ask. I know you are trying too, but it's hard to make plans with someone who doesn't tell me when will work. I'm not mad, and like I said, I know you are trying, but a little more effort from you would maybe make it easier for it to work. It would be easier if we could talk about it once, make set plans, and then hang out instead of me having to bring it up more than once and wait for you to let me know and all that. I guess it kinda makes me feel like you are waiting to see if you will get offers for better plans. And maybe you are. And I get it, staying in and watching a scary movie or watching big brother isn't the most exciting. But I think we always have a really good time with each other. And we could do other things too. I'm open to suggestions. We could go to wow for bowling or pool or mini golf or playing games. I would like that. I think it could be really fun.         I wish we could go on dates. Like the one we went on in April that was so great. Dinner and a movie. Or ice cream :P Or even make wow a date. In winter we could go ice skating. Maybe I'll even let you teach me to ski :P I dunno I think dates would be really fun but yeah.

Next time we hang out, I wanna have a kinda serious conversation. Don't worry, it's not about us, it's something personal. You're one of my best friends so I wanna have talks like this and I dunno I want you to know what I have to say about it.