Nostalgia

Not really sure why, but I'm really nostalgic right now. Maybe the heavy onset of fall has got it going. But like damn time goes by fast. It's crazy how long and strong memories will stick too. Crazy to think how far we've come

Sudden

And suddenly everything was okay again. Thank you. Doing homework with you was actually pretty fun :) 

Cop

And now in the light and clarity of morning and a sober mind, I've calmed down a lot. Still pissed that someone did that to my car, but the anger has dulled dramatically. Part of my mood last night also stemmed from freaking out about how much this was going to cost. I've never had to like deal with damage to my car and whether to go through insurance or not. Holly is my baby. It's sounding like I could possibly just get a whole new hood from an auto salvage place for $245 and my deductible is $250 soo. I'll go get an estimate or two from body shops to see how much repairing it would be but it's sounding like I probably won't go through insurance so that my rate doesn't get jacked up. Especially since it literally just went down since I turned 19. And while shelling out a few hundred bucks will suck ass, financially I'll be alright. Things definitely could have been a lot worse. It's just a shitty thing to happen to anyone really. But it'll be fine, Holly will be okay, I'm okay. Again, I'm sorry for freaking out. I really want a hug but ik you more than likely don't and that's understandable and I won't force you to. If you're willing to move past this tonight to do homework together, I definitely am. Offer still stands. I have a terrible tendency to over react and be over emotional and I never realize it til after the fact. Offer for a hug later still stands too, but only if you want too. 

WNE

Looking back at the texts now, I have a lot of regret. I was so heated and definitely took it out on you over nothing and I'm sorry. I just don't know how to like cope with this. Like I just don't know how to react and move forward and my only idea was to find solace and comfort in you. Which probably wasn't fair but I literally wanted maybe 5 minutes. I just went about it all wrong. I over reacted. Big time. I don't usually get like this. I don't usually have a bad temper but tonight it came out. It was just a build up of shitty things and my brain just couldn't handle it anymore. Like I said, Alex slapped my ass and bit my finger and made it bleed and then nick slapped my ass twice in the same spot so hard that I literally cried from the pain. And it sucked cuz no one could like talk sense in them to stop. So I already felt helpless and honestly worthless and such from that. And I really just wanted to be playful with you but you were hiding away. And I'm literally not blaming you at all or trying to make excuses, I just want you to know the lead up of everything. So wanting a hug wasn't even just from my car, it was from all that too. But seriously, I see now that I was being really abrasive and I shouldn't have been. It was an over reaction and I just hope you forgive me in the morning. And I do feel bad for texting you after saying night but it's really hard for me to just like stop talking when I have so much to say. And I don't mean to like make you sacrifice. I didn't realize. So I'm sorry for that too. It just like didn't register to me that it was. Basically I'm selfish about stuff like that. I really do feel bad and it sucks because I don't know if things will be better in the morning. Especially when morning is so close so I don't know if you'll have settled down after it. It sucks because every time I do this shit, all I do is have regrets. I wish I could handle my emotions better and I get why that's such a turn off. All I do is feel terrible about myself after stuff like this. And it gets worse when I think about how my stupidity affects you too. I'm not suicidal but nights like tonight, I don't want to wake up and deal with my life in the morning. I mean when we are good, we are great. But when shit gets fucked up, mostly by me, it's fucked up hard. I really do want to be a better person. All I can say is that I do learn from my mistakes. I really do feel like shit. Cuz you were also right about it being my choice to let it ruin my night. Albiet I think anyone would agree that was a hard thing to get over. I just bottled up the nights frustration and let it out on you. Which is never a fair thing to do but I understand, and I hope you do too, that sometimes it just happens and you don't even realize you did it til after the fact. I feel pathetic. All I can do is pray for forgiveness. And hope tomorrow is better. Really can't get much worse from here so I suppose that's a bright side hidden in the rough.