WNE

Looking back at the texts now, I have a lot of regret. I was so heated and definitely took it out on you over nothing and I'm sorry. I just don't know how to like cope with this. Like I just don't know how to react and move forward and my only idea was to find solace and comfort in you. Which probably wasn't fair but I literally wanted maybe 5 minutes. I just went about it all wrong. I over reacted. Big time. I don't usually get like this. I don't usually have a bad temper but tonight it came out. It was just a build up of shitty things and my brain just couldn't handle it anymore. Like I said, Alex slapped my ass and bit my finger and made it bleed and then nick slapped my ass twice in the same spot so hard that I literally cried from the pain. And it sucked cuz no one could like talk sense in them to stop. So I already felt helpless and honestly worthless and such from that. And I really just wanted to be playful with you but you were hiding away. And I'm literally not blaming you at all or trying to make excuses, I just want you to know the lead up of everything. So wanting a hug wasn't even just from my car, it was from all that too. But seriously, I see now that I was being really abrasive and I shouldn't have been. It was an over reaction and I just hope you forgive me in the morning. And I do feel bad for texting you after saying night but it's really hard for me to just like stop talking when I have so much to say. And I don't mean to like make you sacrifice. I didn't realize. So I'm sorry for that too. It just like didn't register to me that it was. Basically I'm selfish about stuff like that. I really do feel bad and it sucks because I don't know if things will be better in the morning. Especially when morning is so close so I don't know if you'll have settled down after it. It sucks because every time I do this shit, all I do is have regrets. I wish I could handle my emotions better and I get why that's such a turn off. All I do is feel terrible about myself after stuff like this. And it gets worse when I think about how my stupidity affects you too. I'm not suicidal but nights like tonight, I don't want to wake up and deal with my life in the morning. I mean when we are good, we are great. But when shit gets fucked up, mostly by me, it's fucked up hard. I really do want to be a better person. All I can say is that I do learn from my mistakes. I really do feel like shit. Cuz you were also right about it being my choice to let it ruin my night. Albiet I think anyone would agree that was a hard thing to get over. I just bottled up the nights frustration and let it out on you. Which is never a fair thing to do but I understand, and I hope you do too, that sometimes it just happens and you don't even realize you did it til after the fact. I feel pathetic. All I can do is pray for forgiveness. And hope tomorrow is better. Really can't get much worse from here so I suppose that's a bright side hidden in the rough.