country music

right now, I really remember why I love country music so much. Why it is just so good.. Why it is just perfect. It makes me feel so good inside. But yet it can put the rawest emotions into words in a song so perfectly. And there were some lyrics that really... had an impact on me.... Now I don't feel like this right now, but this past summer... I did.

you went away
how dare you
i miss you
they say i'll be ok
but i'm not going to ever get over you

the weekenddd

so it has actually been a lot longer since I have blogged than I thought it had been. It's about time I say something!

this past Thursday was Z and mine's 5 month anniversary. So yay for that(: But I am definitely really looking forward to 6 months next month :) 6 months is a pretty big accomplishment. Not that many teenage relationships make it that far :) I'm so proud of us <3

and then yesterday was pretty fun. Ended up doing the radio show again, this time with my best friend too. Then it was kinda a mess but we ended up at Z's house for a while. I finally watched the Sandlot. I was forced. Just sayin. But yeah that was pretty fun and then after a while we went back to my bestfriend's house for the night. Her older sister and some of her college "friends" came for a visit. Then left. We spent the night alone without parents. Honestly didn't even feel that weird.

And then there is tonight. Tonight was another possibility to have my boyfriend sleepover since my parents are gone for the night. But unfortunately I have siblings that are going to be here too so that isn't happening. Which is sad but it is what I expected would happen. Maybe I'll just need to have a nice long conversation on the phone later ;)

oh boy...

So this weekend is basically gonna be pretty crazy but pretty cool.

First off, my bestfriend is being left at home alone Friday night. So I'm gonna go stay the night with her. Not sure yet on if we will have a party or not :P

And then Saturday is my mom's birthday so my parents are gonna go stay at some bed and breakfast Saturday night. Which means I will spend yet another night with no parental control. But unlike my best friend, I will have my siblings here too. Booooooo. Oh well. Still will be fun :)

letting go

Letting go is.... what is it? For most people, it is probably the hardest thing they will ever have to do. Letting go. Letting go of people. It really kinda is this big bad thing isn't it? It's hard. It's scary. It's something you don't want to do but yet know that you have to. And it really is hard. So hard. Because we are humans. We have memories. Those memories serve as reminders to things that you really don't want to remember. But yet you have no choice to remember them. So you are stuck. Going in circles. Until something finally clicks and you start veering off unto a better path, a path of healing. I have had to try to let go of something... someone... in the past before. And it never really worked. Like one day, I would be pretty much completely fine with it and knew I had to just live my life and go on and have fun. But then the next day, I would miss him so much and all I would be able to think about were all the wonderful memories. Sometimes, you have to let go simply because that person has passed away. Although, of course, there is nothing simple about letting go. I think that is really one of the things that terrifies me. Someone dying. Someone close to me dying. I don't even know how I would respond, react, handle it. Like at all. It would be a complete shock to my system and that is scary. I don't want to lose anyone. But I know that eventually it will happen and I just don't want it to. I don't know where all this is coming from. Well I mean I kinda do but not sure how I got so depressed with all that. I'm actually in a pretty good mood :)

beeeaaachhh

ya know what I want? the beach.
ya know where I am going in less than a month? the beach. <3