talkin

I'm really glad we can talk about stuff like that. I think it's definitely a good thing :P And I guess I didn't even think it was weird or uncomfortable at all. I think we can talk about pretty much everything and that's great

xx

Okay so the no twitter thing didn't work out. But the reason I got back on was to try to somewhat fix whatever was going on. I can see why she'd get upset but I also didn't do anything that bad. The things I tweeted about Friday night are identical to things I would say about a good girls night. And I didn't think the picture was really that bad but I changed it back. It's not like I've been talking bad about her or being sappy about Zach or anything like that but I'll try to watch myself closer. I think the whole thing probably got blown up to be bigger than it was. 

Maybe if we all were a bit more concerned with our own lives than everyone else's, we would all be a bit happier. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better. 

Follow

It always sucks when one day's issues/upsetness/fighting/frustration/etc follows and carries over into the next day. It sucks when the morning isn't a fresh start. It's hard for me because I always want to fix things right away. So I'm really trying to hold back and not say anything until you do. Hopefully it's soon but we'll see. I know I've just gotta give you some space. Today's kinda forming a real sucky atmosphere. I hurt. At least it's sunny 

The Art of the Subtweet

Ya know, subtweets by nature are kinda mean. The whole point of it is to publicly express your opinion--usually negative--about someone generally or specially about what they are doing, etc, without saying it to them directly. Thus, the whole thing is pretty high on the drama scale. I'll take responsibility; I've done it before myself. I'm not above it all. But I think I have come to realize that subtweets are pretty stupid. Honestly, they don't do any good. They are going to make someone feel bad about themself. Or the person is just going to keep on doing what they want because they really don't care about your opinion. Either way, nothing good was accomplished. But really, when someone subtweets, is there anything good that they are trying to accomplish? I suppose they feel better about having gotten their opinion out there and perhaps heard. But that's all the good there is in it and even that could be questioned as whether or not it is good.  I feel bad about every subtweet I ever said. If only more people were like that. It amazes me how mean we still are to each other. But then I sometimes do it too. Maybe we wanna blame it on society but really it comes down to individual responsibility. I hope I'm changed for the better because of this.   Damn this got really deep. But all this has really got the thoughts flowing. It's been a weird day. I need sleep. 

Perspective

I'm trying to keep this all in perspective. This isn't the end of the world; nothing ever is. Life ebbs and flows, has highs and lows. That's just the nature of things. This too shall pass. It's the duration of the passing that's up in the air. I'm hopeful tomorrow will be good but I'm definitely preparing for tomorrow to down right suck. 

Goodnight

I feel like leaving. 

I'm glad you aren't mad at me. I didn't think you had a reason to be because I told you about the subtweet thing and like I said, I'm not trying to bother her. I didn't even know she was seeing my tweets. And I'm just saying, it's her choice whether to see them or not.   I understand how you're feeling about all this. That sounds cheesy but it's true. Hopefully tomorrow is better. 

Tomorrow is also my first day back since my surgery. Kinda dreading it. I have been through so much in the past week and a half. It honestly had a lot of pain and suffering so I'm proud that I've made it through. I mean I'm still not pain free but it's minimal enough that even ibuprofen is optional. My stubbornness probably helped me get through this week relatively well. I can be a tough cookie. :P

And if it weren't for school tomorrow and how late in the day this feeling came on, I would probably not be sitting here at home. I'd be driving. Maybe west to the mountains. That's the thing about being 18 now. It would be so easy to leave by yourself because you could do everything yourself. You no longer need a parent to get a hotel room. I could just leave and sometimes that's really tempting. Admittedly this feeling comes around when I feel like I want to run away from problems. 

I'm biting my tongue because I want to talk to you right now but that's probably not a good idea. You just need your space and hopefully I'll hear from ya in the morning. 

Oh and I'm actually pretty tempted to just delete twitter off my phone because I'm pretty sure people are subtweeting shit about me and it's bull shit. If it is about me, stay out of my life, it's none of your God damn business. People involve themselves in too much and create unnecessary drama. So for at least the week, it's deleted. 

I actually feel pretty lonely right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Fingers crossed.