Good

I'm gonna say this now, just in case I don't in the morning, even though I probably will at some point. You know what Renee told me? She asked me if you and I were together again yet. Like she genuinely seemed to have a "why aren't you guys together" attitude. She said that you and I are really good together, pretty much word for word. So yeah.

P.S. I saw you looking at this tonight. 

I'm literally praying that you are okay. 

Song

Fourth of July - Fall Out Boy. 

Probably my favorite song right now

+

All the while, who would have thought on November 21, 2009 that we would have made it this far. It's truly amazing. All the ups and downs and growing up and I've loved you entirely the whole time 

Gets

I guess the part that really gets me is that you talked to me about living with you for a while first and then this. That's the biggest punch to the gut. Why can't that be me? Like I thought we were actually getting closer and you talking about that with me felt like a good step forward. It was a future that for a moment we both were thinking about and wanted. And then it was torn away. And like I still love you and want that and feel great when we are together but... Idk what I mean to you. Because when we are together and even just hanging out, like today, it's great, it feels great and I think to myself that I would actually really want to live with just you. But like what are you thinking? Because saying that you want me to occasionally crash with you after you've lived with Sena for the summer really makes me feel second rate and I guess I wonder if I am a second choice to you. I do understand that you want to live alone so you wouldn't want to go right from living with her to living with me but it feels like you are picking her over me. And in a completely unbiased way, don't you think living with you for a while and then moving away to college and thus not living with you anymore and being a ways away from home would make it harder for her? Ugh, I thought we were actually making a good progressive step forward. And I was so ready for it. And now I don't know where we stand. I know you said to not over think it but I'm just trying to understand and be okay with it because I need to. I need to say how I feel. I have to be honest and expressive. I don't hide anything from you.  Sometimes I can't help but feel like we are edging towards a tipping point. 

P.S. I can hear you snoring below me and it's actually kinda cute.