AP

so this morning was my second AP test and I think it went pretty well. It just sucks that we have to wait until July to know our scores. I wanna know right now! Aaaaaand the rest of my day was pretty good too, since I didn't have to go back to school :) I'm pretty happy :) I had a good time. And it was payday! And we are going to Iowa for the weekend! Yay! I am pretty excited. We are going to do some shopping down there too and I am excited for that. Today thru Sunday is just going to be a great weekend. My guess is that I probably won't get to see you again this weekend? Who knows :P

love youuu

work

whenever I have to work, before it, I'm kinda like ughhhh workkkk. But then once I am there, I actually like it. It's not bad at all and I make the most of it. Usually by the end of my shift, I'm in a pretty good mood. So yay for that :) I am so glad that I got a job :) I get my first paycheck tomorrow!!!! Well first paycheck from actually working... for a week :P next paycheck will be even better! and thank you for supporting me with all this and stuff, it means a lot to me :) Tomorrow will be a good day :)

trying too hard

...I think maybe this week I am trying too hard. I kinda feel like maybe I'm trying too hard to the point of trying to force it. To force us to have a good week. Because I really wanted everything last week to continue. But this week hasn't been the same. ....Last week was so easy. That was one of the best parts. It seemed to come so easy. I want that again. Real bad. So I get it, I'm probably trying too hard which doesn't help. I know that. I'm sorry. I'm trying to do my best. And.... things go both ways. We have to meet in the middle. Now don't take that the wrong way, you're great, most of the time :P I just mean that like it's hard to have a good, happy conversation when one of us is distracted or not totally happy or something like that. For example, it's hard to tease and joke and be silly when the other one isn't in the mood. And it goes both ways. Let's just both be good and easy again, okay? :)

x

so you know how like they say every ex is an ex for a reason? Well honestly, what is our reason? To see what else is out there? Correct? Like I'm just saying... .........I just... I don't know what I'm trying to get at... Maybe just... wanting us together. Like I have said, where we are now, the friendship we have now, it is really good. But I just still wish we were more. yeah. bye.

happy/iloveyou

So I am actually in a really great mood :) this has happened the last couple times I have worked but I dunno it was just a good day :) aaaand.... whenever I get in these really good moods, it makes me want to be lovey and tell you I love you and all that stuff. But I'm holding back. Which is possibly good? Because I don't want to idk I just don't want to be too much. Because I don't want to fuck things up :P But yeah I love you. So yeah :P But hey. Still good mood today :) even though it was literally 100 degrees outside! Crazy hot! oh and P.S. my butt didn't get any action today :P

bio

So I think the happiness has come back again. I mean, as much as it can after a brutal mental beating by the AP biology. I have to admit, it wasn't as bad as I thought and I think I got somewhere between a 2 and a 4. I'm really hoping for that 4 though! I am fairly confident that I at least got a 3 though. Keeping my fingers crossed!

I think I'm doing pretty good today. We seem to be doing pretty good :) so yay for that :) seriously, I love talking to you. I just.... yeah :) I want to hang out with you, to just spend time with you. yeahhhh love you <3 p="">
yeah good mood right now!! :)

15

....that is such a long time. You realize that, right? It's been forever but yet it's still gonna be "a while" before we even have a chance again. And yes, I get it, this has to get taken care of first... But it's going so slow. Like.... ok here's another thing I'm a little afraid to ask... How likely is it that you guys are going to date? Last I knew, it was like an 85%. What is it now? Because you have said a few times about when you guys date but it's been a while and you guys still aren't dating. So what? Like grr. Scowley dog all the way :P I'm just.... frustrated. Partly at myself, partly at the situation, maybe even partly at you. Because, in case you haven't noticed, I have been in a weird mood all weekend. And it sucks! Because I know it doesn't help and I know I need to be happy and I have been trying to get myself to stop but it hasn't worked that much! Like last night, I seriously crawled under my covers, grabbed doggie, and gave myself a pep talk and told myself to stop, that I'm being stupid. Because seriously, last week was great so why the hell can't I just stay happy. This weekend has sucked. I really really hope that this week is like last week. Please? As far as being frustrated with the situation... I think I mostly just wish things were getting figured out faster. Because it's almost like I can see our chance being pushed farther and farther into the future. And like.... I am not purposely waiting around for us, I'm really not. I just know how great we were and still are and I know what I want. I just can't have it right now. Actually it sounds like I can't have it anytime in the near future either. But ugh seriously this week I was doing so good with accepting how things are and coming to terms with the situation and then this weekend came and I got back down again. Josie! This week was so good! You were happy! Things with you guys were good! That's what you have wanted this whole time! If you can't have him, you want the next best thing, which is exactly what you got this week! Quit with this bull shit! Ugh. Maybe I just need a heart to heart. I think that's why I liked our car visits so much. We had our heart to hearts then. I miss our car visits. I work til 8 tonight... one tonight would be nice.... I know that's a long shot. A really long shot. But I figured it was at least worth a shot. I just... I miss you. I miss us. I want you. I want us.                             I really do love how things were last week. I do not want that to change, I want this week to be like that too. I guess I just still wish you and I could be together. And I still wish something I could say would make a difference but I think I have said pretty much everything and nothing has changed. But let's see what fate has in store. I guess.


....Honestly, I do think eventually we will get back together again. Maybe I'm crazy or just a hopeful romantic, but I think it will happen. I think we will get a second chance. Because I mean... it's obvious we still have feelings for each other and there is still something there. So some day. .......................what do you think? I know you have said that once things with Sena are done, we will have a possibility again. But yeah. You will probably just give me a schpeel about how there is no way to guess what will happen because anything is possible blah blah blah so maybe I just shouldn't even ask :P

I guess I maybe feel a little bit better now. But either way I need to be done because I work in just less than an hour. Joy :P