sigh

I just really love you and want to be with you. If only it were that easy.

und

deep breath. If you go back and look at that convo, I really don't think I freaked out on you. If a couple "ya"s and saying I thought we were all committed to MSU was a freak out... then I must be constantly freaking out. Come on, that really wasn't that bad. I didn't even say anything mad. I used a ":P" or two even. That means I'm not really mad. It would have been a lot worse if I had been mad. I was upset, yeah, but even that wasn't really lashed out at you. And idk it hurt to think you would just leave us.. me.. for that. But I know you totally could because it would be a great school for you. Life choices. Anyways, I was calm and ready to move on, I even said so, and that's when your freak out started. I get that I brought up something that had to do with me, but I think you made it into something more than what it was. I wasn't making it have to do with me, it actually would directly affect me. Along with Taya and Nick. Just saying. I think it was blown out of proportions a little. But you still have that other stuff going on so I'm sure that didn't help at all. I think we both got too emotional about all this so it's good we both just moving along. We are good, right? I hope so because I'm glad it's just for getting out of school. Because I really can't wait to be roommates :) love you

too nice?

maybe I'm trying too hard to be nice to you with all this going on. If it's too much, just tell me to stop.

So I just realized something... I'm just sitting down here with my dad, each of us doing our own thing. But I'm gonna miss talking to him and joking with him and all the little inside jokes we have.

Summit

I am seriously so beyond excited for our living situation for next year!! I can't wait!! I seriously wish we could move now. I am so dang excited. It sucks that it's so far away but I am sure time will fly. Tonight I'm gonna go to sleep already dreaming of it. It's going going to be so great

maybe this is unfair

This is getting hard. Maybe it's not fair to say, but it's getting hard on me. Seeing you like this is hard. It's been so bad for so long. I keep trying to think of what could be this bad for this long but I don't get very far. So I'm in the dark. I'm just so ready for this to be done with. And I'm sure you are more than ready. I miss happy Zach. We have been so good lately. Even through this we seem to be good, you seem pretty good when we hang out. But it's taking a toll. It's hard to stay happy when you are so unhappy. And it's so constant. I mean, I think in the past like week for sure, I've gotten one smile over text. And I really am trying. I think you can see that. I'm trying to be cheerful and attempt to help your mood. But we both know that I don't get very far with that. But I am still going to do my best for you. I'll be here. I'm going to keep trying. But I'm sure we are both hoping that the storm will let up soon. Every storm runs out of rain.

But there has been something amazing. Even with all the shit you are going through, you have still been really caring towards me. You called me that one night about what was wrong. You make sure we don't go away on a bad note. I dunno, I just find that really amazing. You're amazing.