You never planned on the bombs in the sand

They always say that if someone wants to be in your life, they will make the effort to do so. 

And I appreciate the talking. It's always nice. But like I can't just never see you. Like I get your reasoning and I probably sound like a lameo but.. How can friends that live 10 minutes from each other go weeks on end without seeing each other. But yet you can't make any time for me. Which I do kinda get but yet I also don't. That night with the casino, you said we'd hang out Sunday and have quality time. And when Sunday came and you backed out, you promised you'd make it up to me. But it's been six weeks. I haven't seen you for more than maybe an hour at once since then. I wasn't even allowed to take you out for lunch for your birthday. How can you promise we will still hang out and then not follow through with it? Like I get you're busy. But I haven't even seen you at all in almost 3 weeks. That's a long freaking time. And Ik you say that come May, we'll still see each other. Or at least that we won't never see each other. But I feel like we already hardly ever see each other, since the new year, and especially since things changed. I long for the Jacob heights days. I honestly do. I long for the beginning of fall semester too. When we were all motivated and saw each other almost every day. I thought that was great. But i guess it expired. School, killing time between classes, just chilling and watching tv and eating, all of that was so much better with you. Those mundane things were nice. But I wish we coulda changed the pace more. Idk that sounds weird. But like done more than just Netflix and chill. :P. I mean maybe this idea has long since expired but I would have let you teach me to ski. I say let because it scares me :P or when you joined the gym, I was actually really eager to join you. Coulda been my 5k buddy, you're probably a better runner than I am too. Or I wish we could have gone to Duluth or somewhere, even as a day trip. I wanted to do all sorts of fun, different things with you. But I can't help but feel like that's come and gone. You don't have time for me anymore. That one stung. 

I dunno, I guess I just kinda wonder what your reason is for still talking to me so much? Do you do it just for my sake?  Do you really want to be my friend? Do you want to keep me around for if things don't work out? Like honestly, do you think things for us are over, for good, or do you still think there's a chance for us down the road? Because I don't know. 

In a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time

I'm getting so done with things. I'm so done with not having my own room. It's been 6 fucking months, and it's still probably gonna be another month. If I had known it was gonna be this long, I would have found somewhere else to live for a while. This is the worst. 

I'm so done with school. There's only a month left and it's gonna be a struggle to get myself to push through it and finish strong. I'm just so done, my mind is ready to check out. Like its so bad I'm actually somewhat considering taking a semester off. Because oofta. 

I'm so done with work. I've come up on my 3 year anniversary with that place but damn. I'm definitely going through those thoughts of quitting again. It would just be nice to occasionally be shown appreciation for all I do, ya know? I don't need a constant pat on the back by any means but I don't know that I've ever really had anyone in upper management tell me I'm doing a good job. And that just kinda wears on  me. It's definitely true that people don't quit jobs, they quit bosses/managers. And I mean the assistants are great and the rest of my like "peers" of coworkers are good too. It's the uppers that make me feel like quitting. Except for store director, him and I are cool. So yeah. Will I end up quitting? Probably not, but I want to. 

So basically I can't wait for May (in most aspects). Hopefully I'll get my room then, school will be done, and I'm not sure how much I'll be working cuz of everything going on. Just gotta tough it out

My heart, you ain't gotta steal it

You know, I wasn't going to be surprised if we didn't talk at all today, after what I said. Actually, right around the time I was really thinking it was a strong possibility, that's when you texted. You were thinking of me. Realistically, you were probably going thru texts and saw our convo but i mean you didn't have to respond. But you did. And that doesn't really mean anything like as far as us but it's one of those little things that are nice. Idk that probably didn't come out right so hopefully you know what I mean.