vacation

I am excited to go.... but I'm really going to miss being home and seeing everyone.

I'm especially going to miss you. I love you <3 .="">

4th

I love America, I love being an American. I am so proud of that.

But today just didn't.... it wasn't as good as last year. I really enjoyed last year. And today was just ok. I tried, I really did. I want "perhaps someday" to be "right now". So yeah.

You have to admit that this morning I was really trying. I even smiled at you, didn't I? And we were talking about our competition for once we move in together... And I was actually really enjoying that conversation... until it took a bit of a turn... Then I really did start to feel bad and sad and embarrassed and yeah. I just always felt bad about that so yeah.

I kinda want to have an honest talk soon. So basically tomorrow since I'm about to leave. About like situations and what you think is going to happen in the near to far future and yeah... But I'm scared that I'm not going to hear what I want to... and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to... because honestly.... the longer things go on... the more time that goes by... the less likely it seems like anything is ever going to happen for us... but at the same time.... technically that "maybe someday" could be getting closer every day too. So I don't know. I kinda wanted to say that in person to get your thoughts on it but it just kinda poured out. Maybe I will still bring it up. I don't know. I'm still just scared to hear what I'm pretty sure you're going to say.

date?

we both know that our date was really great. I might even go as far as to say that it was amazing. It was so great. But that doesn't even matter. And that sucks.

.....................please don't be in love with someone else

lyrics

and I guess I'll always have this longin' in my heart, and you'll have a piece of me

jfdvklahf sad.

So earlier I was really sad... Like I full on cried for a little bit... I was just... really sad about our situation. About how we can't be together and any chance of us being together is probably still really far away. And that sucks. I just.... have always been really afraid of losing you. And if you fall in love with someone else.... then that chance of us is probably gone for ever. And that makes me really sad. Really really sad. But I tried to pull myself out of the sadness and I think I was able to. So that's good. But yeah. I get really sad about things sometimes. As you probably know.

cool

I seriously wasn't trying to be cool. It was just new and exciting so of course I wanted to talk about it. I didn't realize you would respond so negatively. It hurts that you didn't believe me either. I just don't know what to do at this point. I just... feel like I have hurt us and that kills me.