You should be here, standing with your arm around me here

It's still just you. I miss you sober, I almost miss you more when I'm drunk. Maybe that's why I've been avoiding it lately. I miss you mixing me great drinks, I miss sharing them with you, I miss the flirting, the ass grabs, the intense eye contact. I miss knowing I would get you to myself at the end of the night. It's all still just you. I close my eyes and you're there. I'm walking around campus, at work, driving almost anywhere in this town, etc, and you're flashing in my mind. I go to sleep, I either dream of you or don't dream at all. I'm with people, I laugh and once it settles, you creep back into my thoughts. I'm alone and the thoughts are almost smothering. And I don't know how to make it stop. It's still just you. And I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know how to stop loving you. They say time makes it easier. "Time heals all wounds". But it's been over a month and it's still just you. How long will it still be just you? I love you, forever and always. When does that change?

I should be a poet with this kind of melodramatic prose just spilling from my mind. It's all true though.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

You know, when we spent New Years together, it was really great. We started off the year good together and I was thinking 2016 would be a really good year for us. But yet not even 3 full months in, and I have no idea how we got here. Things really do change in the blink of an eye. If I had known that that night after the casino was going to quite possibly going to be the last chance to really spend time together, I woulda fucking jumped right on it. But I had no idea what was coming. 

You know if I had just one wish

Welcome to my mind, where it likes to create scenarios that have about a 90% chance of never happening. Take a seat and maybe enjoy the ride. 

So tonight's thought sequence goes like this: what happens say 2 years from now? We haven't talked in about 1 and a half years. Maybe things have just ended with Miranda or maybe you're just thinking of me. And you want to see how I'm doing but maybe you want to "scope the scene" for lack of a better term. So you wonder if I've been on here recently. And you check. And the most recent post is about how I've gone around in circles but still end up back in a spot of wanting to try again with you. But we haven't talked in a year and a half and I assume that it's all just staying in the past. So I've decided to move half way across the country once I've graduated and such. I mean pretty much anywhere is halfway across the U.S. from here. I haven't gotten a damn thing finalized yet but I think it would be really good for me to have a fresh start somewhere new, without ghosts of you everywhere. But I still think of you all the time. And you see all that. So what happens next? Do you say something? Do I end up staying? Probably not, by the sounds of things. And end