what should this title be?

sooo yeah I totally understood your situation and why we couldn't hang out and stuff last night. And seriously, it was really nice of you to call me and such. I could tell you really cared. So that actually meant a lot to me. So thank you for that :)

I dunno if I really have anything else to say. I guess I just really wanted to make sure you knew that even though we didn't get to hang out last night, the way you handled it made me happy. .....when we were on the phone, it kinda reminded me of when we dated. I mean, maybe I'm crazy, but yeah.

Big Brother starts June 26th, I just googled it :P

oh and yeah, I can't believe it's already June! Like seriously, time has flown by! It's so insane! GAH! Like I am actually really excited to be a Senior, but I am still sad that Junior year has gone by so fast. Have I mentioned 4 months yet? Yeah. Sorry.

+ -

so on the plus side, that concert was great! We totally crushed it. I love my choir family. And seeing you after was really nice. Hadn't done that in a while. And hugs are nice. Oh and another plus, it had actually really seemed like you wanted to hang out tonight. Oh and also, when you said that we aren't drifting apart, at first I was a little skeptical, but now... That really meant a lot and feels good. So that's definitely a plus.

and on the minus side, now you don't know if we will get to hang out. And I get it, your out and had those plans first. It just always sucks when someone says they will hang out with you and then might not. No matter who that is, it sucks, but I guess it does suck a tiny bit more when it's you.

But hey, at least there are more pluses than minuses :)

dywiwm

Do You Wish It Was Me by Jason Aldean.

scurrred

The scary thing about distance is that I don't know if it will make you miss me or forget me.

not FZ

Okay so what you ended up saying about us not being friend zoned totally makes sense. And yeah I am really glad that we aren't friend zoned and won't ever be. Because I dunno I was scared of us being friend zoned. We just are friends. And have to be friends. Because of situations. But that's just how it has to be for now so fine. Yeah I wish we were more but we can't be right now. Maybe some day. Hopefully some day. I still kinda think that eventually we will date again... just because we had been getting closer again until she came about. You get that that sucks for me, right? That we were actually making progress towards getting back together and then it was all put on hold/ruined. I mean I get it. Just sucks. But obviously things have gone on either way. So maybe some day. Anything is possible :P

Ok so lately I have been really excited for college. Especially our living situation. Like seriously, it sounds so great and I kinda wish we were graduating this year. I mean I am still looking forward to senior year, I think it will be great. But yeah college and all us living together will be really great too. ......maybe I will get to spend part of senior year with you? Anything is possible.

I think I've given in and accepted the fact that we won't be together this summer. Sucks but as far as I know, you think that, don't you? That our chance of being together at all this summer is so close to zero that it basically is zero? That's what it seems like to me I guess. Correct me if I'm wrong. Because I can admit that I'm wrong sometimes, unlike you :P

then what

so if we aren't friend zoned, then what are we? I think it would be fairly accurate to say that we are temporarily friend zoned. Because you just want to be friends for now. Sounds like a temporary friend zone situation to me. But if you don't think that's what we are, then what are we? You tell me. Please, just tell me. Or if you agree with the temporary friend zone thing, just tell me that too. I know what I would classify us as, but what would you say? I always love hearing your point of view, your side, your thoughts. It helps me know where we really are at and what is really going on and all of that jazz.

uhm.... can we pretty please be really good again? Like really really good? I promise I'll try to do the best that I can to make that possible. I'll really try. It's just... there are only what, 7 school days left of the year? 5 real school days? That's kinda scary and I just want to make the most of the few days we have left. I want us to make the most of them and have some really good days before summer. And summer still scares me a little... I mean, we now have plans to go to valleyfair and we are going to watch big brother and then there's johnny holmes too.... and those days will be great... but what about the in between days? What about the average summer day? I just want this summer to be great and I don't know that it will be. You're not gonna be hanging out with me like last summer. (p.s. last summer was really great) My best friend is going to be busy quite a bit. And don't feel bad about that, either of you, seriously don't, I'm happy for you both. I am just afraid it will suck for me. I have doubts about it beating last summer. But I'm gonna try for it to be good. I know for sure there will be some really fun things in it. I'm not worried about those being fun or not, I'm worried about the average days. I really hope I don't end up feeling lonely a lot. I also know that it's going to absolutely fly by. This is our last summer as high schoolers. That's crazy! I wish I was spending it with you :/

FZ

idk I guess lately I have felt really friend zoned. ya. kinda sucks.

just grr.

I just want us to fall back into us really bad, because I know we could... but you have your... situation.. so ya

shut out

so... I am really glad that you haven't completely shut me out. I mean really you've only shut me out from being together. But like... it really helps that you still want to hang out and that stuff. It makes me feel good to know that you still want me around, even if it is just as a friend. And I do think our friendship has gotten a lot better, too. And I think that's really good and I agree, it will probably help any future possibilities. Now we have proven that we can be just friends and still get closer and all that stuff. So nights like tonight, I am hopeful for the future. There's still a tinge of sadness, but for the most part, I'm good. Fate will do it's job :P

dsjkfash

am I pathetic?

but at least I finally spoke my mind, kinda.

when I said I didn't know, I meant I really just don't know what to do. About the situation we are in. About anything really, when it comes to you and me.

And when I said I was scared, I meant that I am scared of doing something wrong and permanently destroying things. And I am scared for the future. I'm honestly paralyzed by it. I'm scared things won't work out right.

And now thinking about it, you saying we will watch big brother together does actually help quite a bit. Because it means we will at least hang out every week or two for a while. And that will really help this summer. ...............summer used to mean getting to spend more time with you, and now it means spending a lot less time with you. And that sucks.

I guess if anything, living together after high school will change things with us, probably for the better.