parts

so I want to start off with saying thank you for coming over tonight. seriously, it was really good. you've been a really good friend. Seriously. I love you

now... before I get into this... I don't want it to affect anything negatively. Because I really do greatly enjoy spending time with you still and we are almost best friends and that is really great.

so... there is a part of me that... keeps hoping that one of these times we hang out, you will realize that I am better, that we are better, and that you will want us back again.

And then there is a part of me that is telling the other part that it is stupid.

And honestly, I don't even know if that situation from the first part is even possible. I think we are great. I think we deserve another chance. But you are the deciding factor. And so far you haven't picked me.

and now I'm going to go back to trying to push all those thoughts into a corner and not go there and try to be happy.
I love you.

blow

you realize you are totally blowing me off two nights in a row, right? We pretty much had plans to have a sleepover at least one of these nights. Whatever.

creeping back in.

so I've been doing pretty good lately, being happy and such. But right now the sadness is creeping back in. Honestly it's because I know you're with her. That was the trigger. I just get sad thinking about you guys together. And I get jealous. That she gets to spend so much time with you. That she gets to date you. Because I know how great it is. To spend time with you. To be yours.

great

well in case y'all couldn't tell, I have actually been quite a bit happier lately. To the point where I would even say I have been pretty happy. It's been pretty great. But then there was today. Today was probably the worst day in a while, and for good reasons. My great grandma passed away this morning. Now we weren't close at all; in fact I haven't seen her in years. But I remember her. I know who she is. It's still a death inside the family. And I don't know how I am doing with it. It also goes deeper than this. It has me thinking about how it probably isn't all too far off until someone closer to me passes away. That sounded dark but I don't mean it as a bad omen or anything, I just mean that a couple of my just grandparents are starting to get up there. Although they aren't quite that up there. But yeah. It's just sad. So I've been sad from that and then also with miss-communications of the day. But in the end, thank you for coming. I know this time of hanging out wasn't the best, but it was really nice to just have you here. You were really there for me tonight and thank you for being such a great friend. Seriously, you're great. I love you

8.7

that made me happy :) even though I probably would have put it a little higher after everything that has happened in the past couple days :P

seriously, when we hang out, it's really great. I think we both know it is really great. We have such a good time and it's so relaxed and comfortable.... And I'll be honest... especially last night... I could really see us again. I could see that it would be pretty easy to just be us again. Maybe you saw that too.

dlkfjlek modj

The way you responded to what all I said last night... that was really great. That was probably the best it could have possibly gone. Thank you. For seeing my point of view and for apologizing. And for saying you won't be mean like that again. Because that was bad.

And then thank you for tonight. It was really good. I had a really good time with you and I really needed that. Oh and you seriously give the best hugs ever. Even though it got sad at the end, it was still really good.

I love you