Response

So I just read your post... and honestly, thank you so much for doing that. Because now, I really am starting to get why you want to go. Before, you weren't telling me that much of it so now I understand better. And I get where you're coming from. I don't know I guess it kinda felt like you were abandoning me. Which is ridiculous, I know, but considering that our friendship has been kinda rocky lately, it just kinda pushed me over the edge. And I'm sorry, I am. I just really don't want to lose you. And I had had so many ideas in my head for all the great times we would have this summer so it just kinda sucked to know that they quite possibly won't happen. Yes, I get that you will come back, but several days to a week or whatever it will be a month just doesn't seem like a lot of time. And if you think about it, it isn't. Because oh maybe I'll be gone one weekend or have different plans already made or the time I am free, you have plans with other people. I mean there won't be any spur of the moment hang outs anymore and I love those. I love it when we come up with these plans a couple hours before we do them. So I guess I really am being a baby about this. I just don't want you to ruin your summer... and mine. But I guess it is something that you have got to do and life will go on. Maybe you can come back in time to spend the last 2 or 3 weeks of summer here? So we can cram a whole summer's worth of amazing memories into that short time. I will come visit you too. Because I will admit that Geneva is pretty cool. But it might just be once or twice the whole summer. Just have to see how it goes. And wow. I feel a lot better now that I have this all out of my system so I hope you read this soon!

poem

Soooooo I really don't usually do this... but I was bored... and yeah this is what came of it.... and actually.. I'm kinda embarrassed by it but whatever...

Untitled
You said those words,
soft and sweet.
I heard those words,
that can't be beat.

I look at you,
you look at me.
This is true.
We can be we.

Sunlight shines down.
The lake gleams.
In this town,
our heart beams.

Darkness soon falls,
don't want to leave.
Our love calls.
I now believe.

good day, bad day

On Thursday, my choir and I went up to the cities to sing at this music director's convention thing. It was a very big deal. And it was an amazing experience! It was so fun and so great and we did super well too! It really is something I will remember for quite a while.

Then Friday I was feeling like crap. Mostly in an emotional way, not a physical way. So I pretty much just faked sick and got to stay home from school all day. And that was actually pretty fun. Not the feeling like crap part, but the whole getting to lay around all day and do nothing part was. So yeah still working on getting over that but I should definitely be better by Tuesday. Which is good. And I don't know I kinda am being a baby about the whole thing but oh well.

heat

I really really really really can't wait for summer! I loveeee summer! I am so ready for it to be warm out! To be able to go out in just a tee shirt and a pair of shorts, barefoot even, and be totally comfortable! Summer is just amazing and I have a feeling that this summer will be the greatest one to date ;) There are already summer plans in the making and I am super excited for them. Like you have no idea. Summer is like the best time ever. Legit :) <3

Hints ;)

So I really know that I have a great boyfriend and he does so many wonderful things for me... so I really shouldn't be asking for more... and I'm not... I'm just dropping very obvious hints :)

1. Some summer day, surprise me with a small gift.
   
2. Before spring break, write me a cute little note/letter.
3. During spring break, send me cute texts that let me know you are thinking about me.
4. Kiss me in the rain already!
5. One word. Iowa <3
6. Make me a playlist.
7. Give me a list of hints ;)
8. This summer, get me a "thinking of you card". Then mail it to me <3
9. Mail me postcards :)

Probably more to come later :)

will you be my Valentine?

so obviously today is Valentine's Day. There are definitely some people out there that just don't believe in the holiday. They say it's just a gimmick to get people to buy cards, candy, flowers, etc. And there are also some that say that love should be shown everyday, not just one day out of the year. Now, while I do believe that, I also think that it is just a great excuse to celebrate the love you have with someone. It is the day to really focus on that relationship. And yeah, there should be other days during the year that are like that too, but it really is just great to be included in this great holiday. And my day.... my day was amazing.

Of course school is always kinda lame but today was a short day so it seemed to go by really fast. And apparently I looked really good too so it couldn't have been that bad ;) but it definitely was nice to be looking forward to spending the rest of the day with pretty much the best guy ever ;) And dammm it was so great <3 He was a super nice boyfriend and took me to see The Vow. He even admitted that it was actually a decent movie. And that put me in a great mood. For whatever reason, when we were walking back out to the car, I was extremely truly really happy. I was so happy! It was great. Then we ended up just going back to his house and had left over lasagna for supper. Super classy, I know. But, it was honestly super great. We were being playful and it was so fun and it showed true happiness and true love <3 It was really amazing. Then we didn't really have all that much more time since I have to be home at NINE :P But we ya know hung out and stuff ;) Not too much stuff though :P And ya know... honestly.... tonight was probably the best, most happy night I have had in a while. I mean I have definitely had some really great nights but tonight was just literally perfect. I felt happiness that was so true and pure and I got to share it with the guy I love. Actually, he is pretty much the whole reason why I was so happy :) <3 this time... this time really is so different and so amazing and so perfect. Forever & Always babe <3

bitch please

so basically when you are on facebook and are talking to someone on a post on their wall, it is completely inappropriate for someone else to butt in. and tell them that they basically are being annoying. uhm no. it doesn't even concern you and it's not even like you are getting notifications from it so FUCK OFF.

blah

I hate it when someone tells me to get excited for something. It's like shut up. Don't tell me how to feel. I control my emotions, not you.

changing us

I wouldn't change anything about us. Everything good and bad has made us what we are today. And I love who we are today. So no matter how much things have hurt and sucked in the past, I still wouldn't change it. I mean honestly time apart from each other was probably even a good thing for us. We still found our way back to each other. We are still perfect for each other. I don't want that to change. So thus, I wouldn't change a single thing about us. Ever. I mean yeah it might have ya know been nice to not have to go through all that hurt and confusion and rejection, but it got us to where we are now. This may sound bad, but I always love those times when we are so close to getting back together. There is a lot of excitement there. Sometimes the anticipation is almost unbearable but it's ok. Because then we get back together and everything is absolutely wonderful again. Also, the past is the past. There is nothing we can do to change it; all we can do is learn from it. So maybe next time, you will actually talk to me about things, instead of just deciding for yourself that you are going to break up with me and not really tell me anything :P Because honestly, the worst part was the fact that everything was so sudden and confusing and you already had it set in stone before I could even react. Like it's one thing when you see it coming, but it hurts on a whole different level when it is completely out of the blue. It takes more to recover from that, and to be able to actually trust again. Because when you trust someone so completely, and then they just leave, it's really hard. It takes a lot out of you. Because your head is still spinning so much from that, that you don't even know what to do, where to start over. Slowly, you pick yourself up and you move on. Because there is nothing else that you can do. And then you start to find yourself. Except, you aren't the same person that you used to be. Because now you are damaged. You are weak. You look for any tiny reason to believe that there is still some hope. And you feel pathetic for over analyzing every little thing, but you don't know what else to do. You're lost. You're confused. You're scared. You start to search for something to make you happy and are lucky if you find it. But yet you still have that emptiness. Because that person who left you, they left a hole the size of Texas in you. Someone who was previously so important and solid and always there and so completely amazing, is now gone. And you have no idea how you are supposed to fill that hole. Nothing or no one you could come up with would fit into that hole just right and make everything better. And it doesn't just heal over night. It stays raw for quite a while. Slowly, as you start to forget how much that person really meant to you, that hole starts to get smaller and smaller. It becomes easier to fill the wound. But yet, in the back of your mind, you are still wishing that that person would come back and make everything better and fill the hole once again. And I, I was lucky enough to have that happen. And he is so amazing and we are so amazing, more amazing than we were before. So I wouldn't change it at all. We all make mistakes and if we are lucky enough, the person will realize what they did and will want you back. I was lucky. I love us so much. Just like I love him so much <3

and that was entirely too dramatic and emotional but oh well. I'm deep :P

good idea

So I'm actually really glad I let him see this. I dunno it just feels good to share it with him for whatever reason. And of course it helps that he responded really well to it and actually kinda liked it.

His birthday is also in a little more than a month... and I need some actually good ideas for what to get him :P

I am happy. :) <3