the story

guys = dicks. end of the effing story.

pretty little thing, sometimes you gotta look up, let the world see the beauty you are made of. cuz the way you hang your head, nobody can tell

uno

so I had kinda thought that maybe we were actually making some progress the past few days.

now I feel as though I just landed butt first back onto square one.

I don't get how someone can just suddenly become so cold. How every single thing I say suddenly seems wrong.

this is the point that I think oh I guess I'll just not talk to him for a few days. But there are only 10 days left of summer. And I kinda want to make every single one count...

All I know is that I don't know how to be something you miss.

tonto

guys are dumb. dumb dumb dumb!

first of all, an ex gets dumped and then seems to start having interest in me. this is the least problematic of my guy problems.

another ex also seems to be pretty interested in me. then he openly admits to liking me. and he really seems to have liked me since we broke up. TWO YEARS AGO. dsjlfksdlkfjsd time to move on buddy. that ship sailed forever ago.

and then the other boy you have been hearing a lot about. we still have been kinda talking. and then this morning he smiled like :D and i did it back. then he asked why we smiled. I said that it was cuz we were happy. we made each other happy. and he agreed with that. then i stupidly told him I miss him (hey it's the truth. don't hate.) and then he doesn't text back. then later tonight I say something else. totally different. actually its about the previous guy. Cuz this guy said that that guy has liked me. Sorry if that was confusing :) I'd rather keep names out of this. and a couple hours later... he still hasn't texted me back. Now that probably sounds like a very teenage thing to say but yeah. maybe he will text me in the morning. I can't get upset about this. It's not like he has to text me back anymore. But it still kinda sucks. Especially since it was right after I said I miss him. He probably got the wrong idea and thought I was trying to make something happen. I honestly wasn't. I just wanted to hear him say it back...

oh. and then im at the mall with my best fraaaand. and then guess who we see? thank God it was none of the boys mentioned above. But it was boy who I have been talking about forever's mom and sister. Who definitely know who I am. Of course I'm too chicken shit to have actually gone and said hi. But now I wish I would have... ugh.

so to sum this up, boys are extremely tontoooo. which I have pretty much saying for like ever now. but oh well. it's very true. boo them.

but on the bright side. Less than a month til I'm 16(: maybe I'll take "guy I have been talking about for like ever" on a road trip. maybe something will happen ;)

Baby just believe there is no one else like me. Cuz I'm never goin down, I'm never givin up, I'm never gonna leave so put your hands up. If you like me, then say you like me. not totally fitting but oh well.

eeeeep

so. Let's just say that the past couple days have been really good :) <3

I really do think there is some kinda future for us. As long as he isn't a dick ;)

oh no here I go, randomly thinking about you. and there you go, making your way into my head <3

rambling

so. I am fully aware that I like just posted but oh well. I have so much that I feel like I just need to get out and right now, this is probably the best way.

school starts in oh like 15 days. That means that there are 15 more days that I have got to struggle through. I am so unsure of what to do, how to act when it comes to him. And things kinda do seem to be hot and cold with us. And while I hate those cold moments, the hot moments are just almost frustrating. I mean I like them but then they keep giving me a glimmer of hope that something is gonna happen, that it just has to. But it's not really up to me. So it keeps me waiting. I feel like I'm going through the same day over and over without any change. At least school will provide change. It will give me something to do and it will keep me distracted. Of course, it will also include seeing him. And him seeing me. I think that will make some difference. I really do. But yet, I'm not sure. I would hate to get my hopes up, just to have nothing happen. Bottom line is: come the school year, I need to look hot. I need to get his attention. I need to win him back.

So me and my bestest fraand have come up with this idea of having an end of summer bonfire/party. sounds fun right? well I have been pushing it. maybe more than necessary. The reason why? There's a good chance he would go. And that would lead to the possibility of something happening. It might, it might not. But at least there would actually be a possibility. Sitting at home, or going to the mall, or pimping around with friends, there really isn't that possibility. I want that possibility.

behind those walls that won't come down, I'm sure you had more things to say

no comment

so. i get she's my best friend. i get that she would never let anything happen. just know that I get that.

but yet, i still can't help but be.... bitter? and kinda jealous and just generally not feel good about the whole thing. and its not her fault; im not putting any blame on her. the whole situation just generally has me feeling bad. im not even completely sure why im feeling this way. maybe just knowing that she saw him and was with him is enough. its enough to make my heart cry out and then retreat to its dark corner. call me dramatic, but thats what its like. maybe its just an affirmation that he's moved on and is happy and has forgotten me...

so like i said. im not mad at her or upset at her. it just really cut me down and hurt and put me in a bad spot. simply put, it stung. and i hate it.

now all those memories faded, all except that night, that you said your last goodbye...

well here goes..

so most bloggers will start off with some background info. guess I may as well too.
it's almost the end of summer before my sophomore year of high school. joy :P 16 in just over a month. so excited for that! other than that... I may as well just jump right in with my ranting. so please, bare with me :)

guys=STUPID. seriously, do they even make sense to themselves because girls sure as heck don't get them! they are selfish. they lie. they give up things for no apparent, important reason. and I just. dont. get it. they really are so immature too. oh and they can be so amazingly nice and sweet when they want to be and then BAM! they turn around and act like dicks. dicks on pms. awesome, right? they are so fudge crackerly hot and cold! like dang! make up your mind! boo them.

so you are probably wondering where all that came from. well. we all know that teenage relationships tend to hit some rocks once summer starts. but that honestly didnt faze me. I knew we were strong enough to not let summer break us. and don't get me wrong, it definitely had its challenges but I still thought we could make it. I was fairly confident in that. until the middle of july. he got weird. summer seemed to have gone to his head. he didnt want us anymore. said he couldnt be the person he wanted to be to me because of his busy schedule. but ya know what? I honestly didnt care. just knowing that i was his and he was mine was good enough for me. but i guess not for him. and the part that really had me for a twist. we had just seen each other not that long before it and things were FANTASTIC. we were so dang happy! and honestly.... that day was the happiest i have been for quite a while. that day had so much pure, lasting joy. nothing since has come close. sure ill be happy for a while, while hanging out with friends and such. but eventually it began to sink back in. the feeling of being so ALONE. so unwanted and not needed and just simply alone. and who can be happy when they feel like they are facing the world all by themself? high school is hard. but he made it sooo much easier to get through my life and to ENJOY it. like i said, I was so happy. he made me so happy. and im sure right about now you probably think it is really pathetic that a guy has that much control. and i simply dont care to hear it. oh and another thing. since its summer, we dont have to see each other. i havent seen him since the weekend after the 4th of july. and it sucks. cuz i feel like im forgetting him; forgetting us. and i think it makes it easier for him to just push this all aside and move on. school starts in about 2 weeks. we will just have to see how that goes.

he said "I wanna see you again. but I'm stuck in colder weather. maybe tomorrow will be better. can I call you then..?"