rambling

so. I am fully aware that I like just posted but oh well. I have so much that I feel like I just need to get out and right now, this is probably the best way.

school starts in oh like 15 days. That means that there are 15 more days that I have got to struggle through. I am so unsure of what to do, how to act when it comes to him. And things kinda do seem to be hot and cold with us. And while I hate those cold moments, the hot moments are just almost frustrating. I mean I like them but then they keep giving me a glimmer of hope that something is gonna happen, that it just has to. But it's not really up to me. So it keeps me waiting. I feel like I'm going through the same day over and over without any change. At least school will provide change. It will give me something to do and it will keep me distracted. Of course, it will also include seeing him. And him seeing me. I think that will make some difference. I really do. But yet, I'm not sure. I would hate to get my hopes up, just to have nothing happen. Bottom line is: come the school year, I need to look hot. I need to get his attention. I need to win him back.

So me and my bestest fraand have come up with this idea of having an end of summer bonfire/party. sounds fun right? well I have been pushing it. maybe more than necessary. The reason why? There's a good chance he would go. And that would lead to the possibility of something happening. It might, it might not. But at least there would actually be a possibility. Sitting at home, or going to the mall, or pimping around with friends, there really isn't that possibility. I want that possibility.

behind those walls that won't come down, I'm sure you had more things to say