ok fine

We kept saying we were going to hang out. As of the day before, we were going to hang out. And then you don't text me and hang out with Nick instead. I know that you're phone wasn't working and you were tired and stuff. I get it. So whatever, I could care less about that now. Earlier, I literally was just telling you how I felt but that I understood and that I was over it. I was just trying to communicate my feelings instead of bottling them up. Because that's important in all types of relationships. And I was trying to be mature and just let it go. It really wasn't worth being upset about anymore so I let it go. But then you got mad at me. I hadn't even gotten mad at you. Honestly, why are you mad at me? I was hoping I could just get my feelings out and say I'm over it and then that would be it. What is the point. I even said I didn't want to fight, because I didn't. That's why I didn't text you all pissed and bitching you out and stuff. I could have done that. But I didn't because I knew it wouldn't be worth it and wouldn't help. I didn't want to waste more time being upset about something that won't matter in a week. So what I did, my clam approach to just saying how I felt, was at least 10 times better and yet you still got mad. Even now, I'm honestly not mad. So when you're done being mad about this, let me know. Oh and the sleepover has been moved to Monday at like 8ish. So if you want to, it would be fun if you came.

today > yesterday

Today has been good :) I got my license renewed, I got paid, I finished season 3 of the Walking Dead. And... I got accepted to Iowa State!!! I am so proud of myself. I actually cried a little when I found out. Is that bad? Probably not since I'm hormonal right now anyways :P Today definitely beats yesterday, when I was crying for bad reasons. It's crazy how a terrible day can be followed by such a good one. Guess it's just life showing us yet again about how we have no idea what is right around the corner. Maybe tomorrow will be an even better day? :)

regress

I want to start by saying that no matter how bad of a day I have, no matter how much I temporarily regress, I still know that there is no chance of us, at all, until things with you and her have ended. Then we will have a chance again and maybe it will go somewhere. But not until then. And who knows when that will be. I'm not waiting around.

But... I dunno. I still miss you and us. And.... I am still fully convinced that when the chance comes, we should give this another go. I think I've really learned a lot and I understand a lot more than I did. I can recognize when I'm being ridiculous better. Lord knows I can be ridiculous. I think we would be better than ever. And remember that date we went on in April? That was so great. That was really great. Before things with her got moving, we were moving closer to getting together. Remember that? Remember how at that point, if things didn't go well with her, we had a pretty decent chance of being together again before school was done? Well things did go well with her and now here we are, months later. You know, I am really curious about the chance of us being together before senior year is over. If there will even be an actual chance. I mean, 9 months is a long time. A lot could change. A lot could be different by the end of it. Junior year was that way. Maybe senior year will bring a lot of change too. But there is no way to know. No way at all. All we can do is live life and see where it takes us. Not just wait around and see what it brings. Live it. So while I really miss us, I'm still moving forward. I mean, I want us. But us is possibly somewhere in the future. Us is not now. Technically, anything can happen. Technically there is a possibility of us being together by sunrise. But that possibility is really small. And on the other extreme, there is the possibility that we will never be together again. Of course, my logical brain wonders if the possibility is the same on both extremes. I mean, it would make sense for both of the extremes to be unlikely, with then the middle situations being more likely. Does it work like that?   And another thing... not matter what happens between, whenever we hang out, it's just us. We are comfortable and being best friends and it's really great. Hanging out with you is really great. And for now, we are just best friends. But it's easy to see us taking that step farther again and being bf/gf. But ok I'll be done now.

Like I said, I know. No chance right now. ok bye

ss

you know what I don't get? If you're supposedly so happy, why are there times when you just won't smile? I guess there are probably times, like today, that something is wrong and you just don't want to talk about it. But there has been a couple times where you just won't. I dunno, I'm just saying. I still smile.

being Josie

I'm feeling oddly inspired to tell the world how much I love myself :P I've been blessed because I can honestly say that I really like myself. Having issues with self confidence... I've never really gone through that. I have no problem with saying that I'm beautiful. And I'm not afraid to be myself. I'll definitely admit that I'm not the most out going person by any means, but I never try to be someone else. I'm just me. I'm being me. I do what makes me happy, I wear what makes me happy. I mean, it can vary day to day, but generally, I think I'm pretty, and great, and just like myself. I'm not trying to sound full of myself; I know that I have flaws. I'm just... I dunno, not afraid to be myself. Maybe it's because I have been lucky enough to find a few people who truly like me for me and all that. I think I have a lot of good qualities about myself. And like I said, I know that I have some poor qualities too, but I like to think that the good outshine the bad. And honestly, sometimes I don't really get what people mean by like only sometimes being themselves. Like what? I don't know if I even know how to act like someone else. Because I'm just being Josie.

summertime memories

I'm kinda in a weird mood so maybe talking about the best memories from this summer will help

I think #1 probably goes to the weekend in Geneva. I seriously had so much fun and wish we could go back! I think it went beyond having not seeing people in like 2.5 weeks. I genuinely really liked everyone there and talking to them and hanging out. It was so much fun. I was really happy pretty much all weekend, and then some.

#2 would honestly probably have to be going to Valleyfair. It was so fun and laid back and just a really good time! We got a lot closer that day and I could actually really feel it. I really hope we get to go again because it was definitely a great day.

#3 is Winstock! I almost forgot about it since it was the very first weekend of summer! Roadtrip + Kip Moore + Luke Bryan = great girl time! It was a really good way to start off the summer!

#4 was probably Ouija. That night where he told us to run... freaky! It was such a cool, amazing, unique experience. We better do it again, soon!

And then there's vacation. It's in its own category. It was a set of memories I won't be forgetting any time soon. It was good family time that needs to happen a lot before I move out.

So overall, there's some pretty good memories from this summer. Of course, at the end of it, I always wish there could have been more. And this wasn't all of them. These were just the main highlights :P

senior pics

So I'm finally getting around to figuring stuff out for senior pictures :P finally :P aaaand I'm getting excited! :) And nervous :/ I hope I end up really liking them! I've been thinking about what I'm gonna wear and I have lots of ideas and no ideas at the same time. If that makes sense? It's a girl thing :P I just wanna hurry up and figure stuff out and do them and then see them. I better look beautiful! Haha :P I don't know if I'm even going to be able to do like serious ones, not gonna lie. I laugh too much! The thought of my serious face makes me laugh! Of course, that's if I can relax enough :P Maybe my bestest friend can go with me, if it works out? oh and btw I GOT A FREAKIN 29 ON THE ACT AND YA KNOW WHAT I GOT???? A "GOOD JOB" NOT A CAR. Gah sorry mini rant there :P

all the lasts

Senior year is going to be full of so many lasts. Last homecoming, last Friday night football game, last autumn, last Christmas, last snow day, last choir concert, last dress up days, last prom, everything. Our last days all together. We won't see at least half of these people ever again. Hopefully we will be lucky enough that things work out and us 4 can live together. Because I can't stand the thought of us growing apart. But anyways, this is our last year. There is no "well maybe next year." This is it. We gotta make it great, because it's our last chance. Our last chance to do everything we wanted to and make the most of every single day. Because all too soon, these days will be gone and we will never get them back. And who knows what all these days will bring with them. Who knows how different things will be in the end. So let's enjoy every single day and make the most of everything. All the lasts begin with the very first day. Let's make this year amazing :)

crazy one more time

I wish I would have seen your new blog sooner than today.... But yet, that is all in the past and we seem to be good now. Let's keep it that way because I missed you a ton! :)