regress

I want to start by saying that no matter how bad of a day I have, no matter how much I temporarily regress, I still know that there is no chance of us, at all, until things with you and her have ended. Then we will have a chance again and maybe it will go somewhere. But not until then. And who knows when that will be. I'm not waiting around.

But... I dunno. I still miss you and us. And.... I am still fully convinced that when the chance comes, we should give this another go. I think I've really learned a lot and I understand a lot more than I did. I can recognize when I'm being ridiculous better. Lord knows I can be ridiculous. I think we would be better than ever. And remember that date we went on in April? That was so great. That was really great. Before things with her got moving, we were moving closer to getting together. Remember that? Remember how at that point, if things didn't go well with her, we had a pretty decent chance of being together again before school was done? Well things did go well with her and now here we are, months later. You know, I am really curious about the chance of us being together before senior year is over. If there will even be an actual chance. I mean, 9 months is a long time. A lot could change. A lot could be different by the end of it. Junior year was that way. Maybe senior year will bring a lot of change too. But there is no way to know. No way at all. All we can do is live life and see where it takes us. Not just wait around and see what it brings. Live it. So while I really miss us, I'm still moving forward. I mean, I want us. But us is possibly somewhere in the future. Us is not now. Technically, anything can happen. Technically there is a possibility of us being together by sunrise. But that possibility is really small. And on the other extreme, there is the possibility that we will never be together again. Of course, my logical brain wonders if the possibility is the same on both extremes. I mean, it would make sense for both of the extremes to be unlikely, with then the middle situations being more likely. Does it work like that?   And another thing... not matter what happens between, whenever we hang out, it's just us. We are comfortable and being best friends and it's really great. Hanging out with you is really great. And for now, we are just best friends. But it's easy to see us taking that step farther again and being bf/gf. But ok I'll be done now.

Like I said, I know. No chance right now. ok bye