t-minus 6 days

sophomore year starts in, you guessed it, 6 days! And I am honestly kinda excited. I hope it's an amazing year. If anything, I hope it is better than freshman year. But I really am so ready for change. But in all honesty, I'm sad that summer is over. Just because I wish I coulda made it better. It really was a super lame summer. Oh well I'll just have to make it an amazing fall! Speaking of fall, I'm going to the first friday night high school football game of this year on friday! Gah it's already football season!? I'll miss you baseball <3

so I feel like I should take the time and tell my best fraaand how much I lovvveeee her! Seriously, she is like the only person I know won't run away. She is always there for me even when I'm annoying and talking about the same thing over and over and over and over and over. Love you T <3

so as you guys should know by now, one of my blog posts is not complete without some ranting about a certain boy. so yeah. for now at least, he is really stuck in his decision. And honestly, I'm kinda worried about him. He like doesn't value his happiness all that much. He lets work work work come before that. He is 15. He shouldn't be worrying about things like that yet. It's like COME ON! Have fun, live in the moment, be a teenager! gah.

so while he is set in his decision, for now, he still seems to at least kinda care. He still takes the time to talk to me and like keep talking to me. Like I'm actually usually the one that stops texting back first. Maybe that means something, maybe it doesn't. You just never know with boys :P and if I ever ask if I'm annoying or boring he says no. So maybe just maybe deep down he ya know really does still want me. He just can't let himself have happiness, have me. That's one theory anyways and gosh darn it really might be true. I mean he "had" to get rid of something he really loves (us, me) because of his schedule. I dunno I just don't think that that is very healthy. He doesn't even have all that much fun anymore. He's gonna end up burned out. That is, if he isn't there already....

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited. But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you would see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over. I know that I just used this lyric last time, but it has really gotten to me. I'll probably have a situation like this sooner or later...

repeating

I feel like I keep saying the same things over and over again but I keep going through it over and over and it just always strikes me. maybe I keep going on and on because I want some kinda of comforting. To know that it will all be ok in the end. I just gotta tough it out until the end. But I don't know if I can do that. I don't know how long it will be until things are really ok. And it sucks. As much as I keep saying that, it is so true. I just can't get over this and stop hurting. In a way it almost seems like maybe he is my project. I gotta see how long it is til he breaks. And yes, that sounded pretty bad but yeah. I don't know. I don't know what is going on with him. I just don't know a lot of things at this point. I'm still on shaky ground. And I don't know how to make it better. In a way, I wish I could totally erase him completely from my life. But you know what they say: "it's better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all." Cuz I love our memories. I really do. They make me happy for a tiny bit before it hits me again that I can't have that anymore. And that sucks but what can you do. I love the memories, I love us, I love him...

You know how the time flies. Only yesterday, it was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprise of our glory days. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited. But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over. Nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish for nothing but the best for you too. "Don't forget me," I begged. "I'll remember," you said. Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

hope

I hope school will like make things better. I kinda think it will but yet I like seriously have no idea anymore. I just don't get how someone can instantly become so cold. Like don't you still care? You say you still love me. So what changed? What changed so much that you just had to end this.

I keep dreaming about him... almost every night...

I hope that fire still happens! I mean I really have no idea how that will go like at all but at the very least it would be nice to see him before the first day of school. I hope something would happen. But yet I know it is still too early for it.

I hope school will make things go by faster.

I hope I get my license on the first try!

I hope he will let me take him road-trippin. I really really really hope he will.

looks like I have got a lot of hoping to do...

Are you tryin to bring back the tears or just the memories? You keep taking me back, taking me back, to where we've already been. When we hang up, it's almost like losing you again. Can't you see? What do you want? What do you want from me?