repeating

I feel like I keep saying the same things over and over again but I keep going through it over and over and it just always strikes me. maybe I keep going on and on because I want some kinda of comforting. To know that it will all be ok in the end. I just gotta tough it out until the end. But I don't know if I can do that. I don't know how long it will be until things are really ok. And it sucks. As much as I keep saying that, it is so true. I just can't get over this and stop hurting. In a way it almost seems like maybe he is my project. I gotta see how long it is til he breaks. And yes, that sounded pretty bad but yeah. I don't know. I don't know what is going on with him. I just don't know a lot of things at this point. I'm still on shaky ground. And I don't know how to make it better. In a way, I wish I could totally erase him completely from my life. But you know what they say: "it's better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all." Cuz I love our memories. I really do. They make me happy for a tiny bit before it hits me again that I can't have that anymore. And that sucks but what can you do. I love the memories, I love us, I love him...

You know how the time flies. Only yesterday, it was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprise of our glory days. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited. But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over. Nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish for nothing but the best for you too. "Don't forget me," I begged. "I'll remember," you said. Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.