Valentine's :)

So for whatever reason, my boyfriend decided that we should do Valentine's Day presents last night. And I'm pretty sure it was to celebrate me getting my period :P Oh well, it really didn't matter to me when we did them. I was just excited to do them :) And yeah last night was amazing. We were just so close and connected and it was perfect. And we were so happy. Like SO HAPPY. Presents were really great too. First off, he has gotten to be really freakin good about presents. Like really really good. And this time it is for 2 different reasons. One of them is the sneaky way he gave it to me. Because first it was in his pocket. And then it was under his back when we were laying in bed. And then while he kissed me, he managed to get it and bring it in front to me and say "Happy Valentine's Day". I really thought that that was impressive. Aaaand then! What is was was a complete surprise to me. It was actually a necklace that I had basically out right told him I wanted. But when I told him about it, he was all like oh well maybe one random day I'll have it for you. And so I believed him :P And then after him and his friend went shopping for things, I asked him if it was something I could wear and he said no. So basically I had no idea what to expect, much less the thing I told him about :P So yeah he did really good! Then I gave him his little project thingy. And we looked at it and talked about it and he loved it :) It was such a close, special, intimate, ours moment. It was perfect. Oh and he said that I'm really good at photography. Which was super nice to hear. And I was proud of what I did. So yeah :) <3

I'm just... yeah...

Basically I'm just stressed. And I know there really isn't a reason to worry yet but ya know my period should be coming anywhere from like yesterday through like tomorrow night. And yeah I'm just paranoid. I mean I'm sure it will come but there's that stupid little voice that keeps saying "You had sex. Your period isn't here yet. You're pregnant" and I just want to shut that voice up. Cuz I mean really. It is quite possible it will just come tomorrow and that would be completely normal. I'm just paranoid. Because I know that if the worst thing did happen, my life would basically be ruined. So yeah. And stressing about it doesn't help either.

Aaaaaannddd then, to top it off, my day has been a roller coaster. Because first, I was excited and looking forward to the day and seeing my boyfriend and I even was like oh I'll dress up and wear a skirt and he will like that and I will like that. And then, he says he isn't going to school. My previously almost sky-high mood instantly got slammed into the ground. It was honestly pretty disappointing. To be looking forward to something like that, and then have it taken away really sucks. And then to top it all off, I was already kinda stressin about you know what so I was like oh well I'll see him and hopefully he will help and make me feel better and more relaxed and stuff. And then no. That didn't happen. And that sucked too. But whatever I really don't want to keep complaining about it. Cuz it isn't even really his fault that he stayed home so yeah.

Oh and then last night my boyfriend and his friend went out together to get Valentine's presents for their girlfriends. And after it, my boyfriend told me what his friend got his girlfriend... a lanyard and some candy... and I pretty much told him that she probably won't like that as a Valentine's present. Cuz I mean that does kinda suck for a V-Day gift. Birthday present, yeah sure that wouldn't be a bad idea. And then he makes me think that they got matching gifts. And so I felt bad and disappointed and such. And then he goes and tells me that they didn't get matching ones, after really making me think that they had. So. Not. Fair. So yeah. Cranky.

LOOK!

So I have made the decision to show my boyfriend my blog. Although I'm not actually showing it to him, I'm just giving him the website for it. But really it's not gonna affect how I blog. My blog is pretty just my way to be honest and get everything out. And he pretty much hears all of that anyways so thus, no real reason to change. I'm gonna keep doing it like I always have. I kinda think it will be one of those things where he will want to check it out and see what kinda stuff I say and then he will start to just not look at it that often. I think. That's another thing. I like to analyze things and try to come up with how people are thinking and feeling about things. And I tend to do that about him somewhat. So I guess maybe that might bug him for whatever reason? But that's just like my thought process to try to understand things. And I will fully admit that I am probably wrong a good deal of the time. I dunno that's just how I deal with things and on a blog, it is easy to just keep typing and typing and typing whereas in a text, you get cut off at 160 characters. 160 characters is usually not nearly enough for when I am really trying to figure things out and express my feelings. I'm just that difficult :P I guess I just hope that he doesn't think that this is pathetic. My blogging. And all the venting that goes on with it. But yeah anyways I'm letting him know on Valentine's Day so it's not for a little bit yet. And I think he will really appreciate it. And he should. Cuz I mean this used to be my way of just saying everything I gotta say with only one person I know that actually sees it. But yet I completely and fully trust him so I know it is safe with him. And like I have said, he knows pretty much everything on here. Except I might just be a little more detailed on here. The only thing I can't really talk about anymore is present ideas for him :P Cuz sorry dear, but I'm not gonna make that mistake :) So hopefully this brings us closer. I mean I have gushed about him several times so that should at least make up for any questionable things I may have said. Notice how I just said that I MAY have said them, not that I for sure have said them :) So really I'm kind of procrastinating ending this post because I feel like there was something else I was about to say but I really can't remember what it is right now. FRUSTRATING. okay I just remembered :) So yeah Valentine's Day... I'm really looking forward to that :) Like spending time with each other and being close and celebrating our love and all that :P It will really be nice. And I'm actually super mega looking forward to giving him his little picture project I made him. It turned out super amazingly awesome. I am seriously so proud of it. I put a lot of hard work and time into it and now it is pretty much perfect. It is also really sweet and mushy and I dunno I just really like that about it :) Like for Valentine's I'm really just generally going mushy. Cuz I got a sweet hard and I'm gonna make him sugar cookies too :) I guess that might have to do with how this is like the first Valentine's I've really ever done anything for anybody. In 8th grade, we were still so young that I didn't even really know what to do for it. Like at all. And then 9th grade we weren't even together :P until the day after :P so now in 10th grade, I can actually do something and I'm really excited to do something and so yeah. Pretty much love Valentine's Day this year(: I'm pretty much more excited to give him his stuff than to see what he's gonna get me. That is how freakin excited I am to show it to him! <3 but ya know hopefully he does get something decent for me too :) so yeah this post turned out to be wayyyyyy longer than I thought it was going to be. Like wayyyyy longer. So yeah I'll be done now :) And basically every post lately has ended with some comment on how much I love my life and yeah that is going to continue :) Life is pretty great!! <3

gay best friend

so for the past two Saturdays, I have hung out with my best friend and our basically gay best friend. He's bi so he's not totally gay and we are just good friends, not really best friends. But still it's a lot of fun. Because he is really open with his sexuality with us. He seems to embrace it when he is with us. And it makes him fun. It also makes him a good shopping buddy! Cuz he doesn't complain but yet still has that male opinion. And it's more innocent cuz he isn't completely into girls. And like I honestly wonder how into girls he is. Because we will walk by Victoria's Secret and none of those pictures "get him going" but yet he still makes comments like "you would look hot in this". So it's a little confusing in that sense... and so I don't ya know blame my boyfriend for questioning gay best friend and his intentions. Not to mention that me and gay best friend had a thing in the past, way back before he was gay. But that was like 7th/8th grade. Multiple years ago. But I do kinda get it when he says that he still thinks gay best friend has a thing for me. Cuz sometimes I can see it in the way he acts and the things he says. So yeah. Maybe I'll talk about this more later... or maybe not :)