well it happened again. And I'm not as ok with it as I was when it was just a thought. I know I'll be fine, if I made it through last time, I sure as hell will get through it this time. But I dunno. It might just be surface happy for a while. I might even just muddle through the rest of winter. Tread water til it's over. But yet I'm strong so maybe it won't be long for me to really be ok again. I'll just have to see.
I'm really going to miss us. Like a lot. :/ We've gotten so good and so close lately. It sucks that things have to be different now. And I really hope that it'll be over by move in day. I was really looking forward to that with you. Move in day is 195 days away. So about 6.5 months. Considering you guys only lasted like 6 months last time, I find it unlikely that you will make it til move in day. Given our history and last time, and how we have only gotten better since then, I dunno I just don't see it lasting. And even if you do make it til move in day, I mean we will be living together, I don't think you guys would last long then. But that's just me and who knows what will actually happen. I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything, I'm trying to use some logic. And you said someday. Now obviously you have no idea what will happen, but you basically said you think you guys will break up. Guess we just have to see how that all goes. And you did say that it's a step towards us. So that's good. I can't wait for us.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
this post took entirely too long
So the talk we had had a couple nights ago was really good. It was honest and real and just good. I am really glad that I can see your side of it. I was really proud of how well I responded. It could be a step towards us honestly. It's a what if. I was able to see that. But towards the end of that conversation and then after last night, I don't know where you're mind is at with that now. It's up to you if you think you need to do that. If you don't think you have to, then you most certainly don't have to. I really was understanding where you were coming from. But it did sound like you already kinda knew how it was going to end and such. It kinda sounded like you had been starting to question if you actually wanted to do that. I...actually felt pretty close to you. That convo made me feel close to you. Because it was honest and real and... it seemed like you were leaning towards me and us and I really loved that. And I really debated saying that because I don't want to say too much on here because I know T reads and I don't want to be saying anything that was meant for just me, because it's our business. So hopefully this is all okay. :P This took me so much longer to figure out what to say because like I want Z to see it but not necessarily T, ya know? I don't mean that in a mean way, I just don't want to make personal business into other people's business. Ok I just need to be done :P
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