Twist

Sometimes I really wonder if I'm actually okay or if I've just got a really good surface happy and I'm actually broken on the inside. Because I really am usually in a good place and happy and accepting and such. But then sometimes I just feel broken. And I can't tell if it's a crack in my surface or just a feeling that comes and goes. As per usual, this is probably overthinking things but I feel like when it's yourself and your well being, there is no such thing as over thinking. I just don't know if down the road I'm going to keep being alright, getting better even, or if I'll just break and be broken and not know what to do. I mean I think I'm fine, but there's a big difference between that and knowing I'm fine. And I don't think there's a for sure way to go about knowing that. The future is still up for grabs. I don't think I have a single thing that is for sure about my future and that is both terrifying and exhilarating. Because who knows where I'll even be in say 4 years. Post college, who knows. It'll depend on what is left to keep me grounded here. I mean it would suck to leave the town that is my home, the one I've known and loved for so long. But I love seeing the rest of the country too and could see myself moving some place awesome. It's conflicting because if there's nothing, more correctly, no one, keeping me here, I could see myself leaving. But I can also see myself not wanting to brave a new city alone and wanting a companion. 11:11 right now and I wish for good things and clarity. Did I mention that I have a fear of being alone? Of not finding/having someone to spend my life with? And I know futures in general arent for certain, but I feel like I don't have any plan what so ever. I don't have a career path, much less a 5 year plan. And right now, I'm actually not freaking out about that. I've got time. Pieces will begin to fall into place until I have my dream job, a photo book full of my numerous adventures, and a cute family of my own. Those are basically the goals as of right now. ...I feel like the one thing we don't talk much about recently is the future. What you see, what I see, what you want, what I want. Maybe we could sometime  

Long

Long talks like that are the best. I love them so much :) kinda makes me feel really close to you and I love how I'm comfortable enough to talk about anything and everything with you