Rails

I guess I've just kinda been hopping off the rails the past few days. Not a good place to be. I think it's stress and frustration and anxiety and loneliness all weighing on me at once and it comes out all sorts of nasty. So Zach I really am sorry for snapping on you. It wasn't fair to you. I'm trying to get out of this funk and hopefully vacation starting Friday will be a good thing and won't end up being damaging. I'm hoping the gritty sand, salty water, and toasty sunshine heal the soul. :P

Past

I guess right now I'm kinda reflecting on how far I came throughout junior high and high school. I remember my anxiety. I'm so glad I was able to push past that and have everything be okay. That was a fairly dark time. Actually I have had a few dark times leading up to now. And my heart reaches out to my past self. That was so hard. I don't think it would be wrong to say I was depressed for a while. God remember when I had to go to therapy? I had actually forgotten about that til now. Which is probably a good thing. Not my best moments. But I am thankful that I was able to make it through that. I think I've gotten to a really good place. I'm happy. I can say that and I don't doubt that. Overall, I'm satisfied and happy with my life. It's sad to think that that hasn't always been the case. But I know how to make myself happy and not rely on others for my happiness. And I'm so much more easy going. I don't let little things keep me down. I almost brush things off a little too easily :P but I figure, why waste time being upset? As cheesy as that is, you seriously have the choice to be happy or not. And why wouldn't you choose happiness. I mean obviously I still get upset over things but they are here and then gone and then everything is okay again. Choose every day to be happy. I'm honestly not even sure of the last time I really cried. Asides from maybe watching or reading something. But like actually crying over something in my life. I think it's been quite a while. I remember when I hardly went more than a couple days without crying. That was terrible. But I think over the course of maturing and life and such, I've grown and become a strong woman. Cheesy, but I think it's true. I kinda feel old :P like I'll see a 16 year old and think that they are so much younger than me. I guess it depends on if you think almost 3 years is a big difference. However, I do think that it's during these couple years where we really grow into ourselves. We aren't so crazy hormonal and we seem to have a good sense of who we are now. We have matured. And I think a big part of that is letting go of caring about what other people think of you. I have a select couple people I care somewhat about but not enough to change something about me or refrain from doing something I really like. I'm just being me and I don't even know what it would be like to try to be less me? Like what? I do what I like, I wear what I like, because in the end, it's my happiness over my choices that matter, not other people's. P.S. I'll probs be breaking out a crop top here soon :P but yeah the last 6 years have been literally life changing. I'm not the same person I was going into junior high. No one is. Okay time to stop being so deep :P

adventure

Summer life has kinda just been sliding by and I'm really ready for some adventure. We should go out to the dam or 7 mile or something. I just wanna get out and adventure and have fun :P Thank goodness I'm going on vacation next week. That will be great and one big adventure. It's gonna be so great. I've been pretty happy with life lately though. Just could use a little more excitement and a shake up to the routine