soo I know I should probably be mad at him... but I don't know if I really can. I mean I think I'm upset but yet not at the same time.
Nothing has happened. Even after a week of basically going out just minus the title, nothing. It's annoying but yet if that is the best it will ever get, I don't want to push it away. I feel like I kinda did push it away though. I got too ballsy and started asking questions and it made things weird. I don't even know where him and I stand anymore. Like at all. He said he misses me and wants us together but yet he doesn't do anything about it. I mean I can tell he still wants to talk to me and all that jazz but yeah. My best friend is friends with him too and so they talk and stuff. And I guess he told her that he just doesn't know what he wants anymore. That's stupid. It really shouldn't be that hard to figure out. Yet somehow... I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk away from him. To say "that's it I'm done. I'm done waiting for you to do something." Because I don't think I will ever ever fully get over him. I'm sure he will always be that "what if" guy. The one that you always will wonder that if something slightly different happened, if we had stayed together, if we really could have made it. All the way to the end. All the way to being that elderly couple that has been married for 70 years. Cuz I can see that with him. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm still young and all. But at this point, I really can see us being that couple from high school that makes it. Even given the current situation.
So I don't know what to think of all of this. I'm honestly trying not to think about it all that much. It's just easier to keep going on with life. Which doesn't sound like it makes all that much sense but oh well.
Don't forget to remember me...
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
inching
so lately it has really felt like we have almost been inching ever so slightly closer and closer to something finally happening. Then came yesterday.
The whole day we had been talking and such. And he kept saying he loves me and misses me. I even got both a "you really are the best" and an "I want you to be mine"
so then when I got a call last night, I honestly was thinking ohmygosh. This is it. This is finally it. And in all seriousness, it really wasnt that crazy for me to be thinking that. I mean he had said plenty of things that sure did seem to lead up to him asking me.
but you guys probably know by now that, no matter how close I seem to get, I always come up short. Well that was the case yet again. Nothing. Nothing happened. I know this probably doesnt make all that much sense, but even though nothing happened while on the phone... it was really nice to talk to him. He was really sweet.
and.... This is something most of y'all wont understand, but on the phone he told me that the past three nights he had slept with puppy close. And yeah yeah yeah y'all really dont get that but that is something I dont really care to share with people all that much. It's his and mine special thing. And hearing him say that really was sweet and meant a lot. But then it was also frustrating because it was like "well why da eff are we still not together"
so I think he is kinda gonna back off again.. cuz I told him it was confusing that he was saying he loves me but yet we arent together. and last night I told him I was upset. because I kept getting closer and closer but yet nothing is happening.
I don't think that will be the end of things. Even after last night, I kinda feel like we are on the verge of going out again. Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm crazy. But there is something there that keeps pulling us back to each other. We both can feel it.
If nothing happens for a while, I am pretty sure I'd actually be ok with that... I think I secretly want us getting back together to be some big amazing moment. And who knows, maybe it will be. After all, I get my license in less than 2 weeks :)
Don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me. Be there, never gonna leave you. Say that you wanna be with me too. I'mma stay through it all so jump then fall <3
The whole day we had been talking and such. And he kept saying he loves me and misses me. I even got both a "you really are the best" and an "I want you to be mine"
so then when I got a call last night, I honestly was thinking ohmygosh. This is it. This is finally it. And in all seriousness, it really wasnt that crazy for me to be thinking that. I mean he had said plenty of things that sure did seem to lead up to him asking me.
but you guys probably know by now that, no matter how close I seem to get, I always come up short. Well that was the case yet again. Nothing. Nothing happened. I know this probably doesnt make all that much sense, but even though nothing happened while on the phone... it was really nice to talk to him. He was really sweet.
and.... This is something most of y'all wont understand, but on the phone he told me that the past three nights he had slept with puppy close. And yeah yeah yeah y'all really dont get that but that is something I dont really care to share with people all that much. It's his and mine special thing. And hearing him say that really was sweet and meant a lot. But then it was also frustrating because it was like "well why da eff are we still not together"
so I think he is kinda gonna back off again.. cuz I told him it was confusing that he was saying he loves me but yet we arent together. and last night I told him I was upset. because I kept getting closer and closer but yet nothing is happening.
I don't think that will be the end of things. Even after last night, I kinda feel like we are on the verge of going out again. Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm crazy. But there is something there that keeps pulling us back to each other. We both can feel it.
If nothing happens for a while, I am pretty sure I'd actually be ok with that... I think I secretly want us getting back together to be some big amazing moment. And who knows, maybe it will be. After all, I get my license in less than 2 weeks :)
Don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me. Be there, never gonna leave you. Say that you wanna be with me too. I'mma stay through it all so jump then fall <3
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