welp

soo I know I should probably be mad at him... but I don't know if I really can. I mean I think I'm upset but yet not at the same time.

Nothing has happened. Even after a week of basically going out just minus the title, nothing. It's annoying but yet if that is the best it will ever get, I don't want to push it away. I feel like I kinda did push it away though. I got too ballsy and started asking questions and it made things weird. I don't even know where him and I stand anymore. Like at all. He said he misses me and wants us together but yet he doesn't do anything about it. I mean I can tell he still wants to talk to me and all that jazz but yeah. My best friend is friends with him too and so they talk and stuff. And I guess he told her that he just doesn't know what he wants anymore. That's stupid. It really shouldn't be that hard to figure out. Yet somehow... I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk away from him. To say "that's it I'm done. I'm done waiting for you to do something." Because I don't think I will ever ever fully get over him. I'm sure he will always be that "what if" guy. The one that you always will wonder that if something slightly different happened, if we had stayed together, if we really could have made it. All the way to the end. All the way to being that elderly couple that has been married for 70 years. Cuz I can see that with him. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm still young and all. But at this point, I really can see us being that couple from high school that makes it. Even given the current situation.

So I don't know what to think of all of this. I'm honestly trying not to think about it all that much. It's just easier to keep going on with life. Which doesn't sound like it makes all that much sense but oh well.

Don't forget to remember me...