4th

I love America, I love being an American. I am so proud of that.

But today just didn't.... it wasn't as good as last year. I really enjoyed last year. And today was just ok. I tried, I really did. I want "perhaps someday" to be "right now". So yeah.

You have to admit that this morning I was really trying. I even smiled at you, didn't I? And we were talking about our competition for once we move in together... And I was actually really enjoying that conversation... until it took a bit of a turn... Then I really did start to feel bad and sad and embarrassed and yeah. I just always felt bad about that so yeah.

I kinda want to have an honest talk soon. So basically tomorrow since I'm about to leave. About like situations and what you think is going to happen in the near to far future and yeah... But I'm scared that I'm not going to hear what I want to... and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to... because honestly.... the longer things go on... the more time that goes by... the less likely it seems like anything is ever going to happen for us... but at the same time.... technically that "maybe someday" could be getting closer every day too. So I don't know. I kinda wanted to say that in person to get your thoughts on it but it just kinda poured out. Maybe I will still bring it up. I don't know. I'm still just scared to hear what I'm pretty sure you're going to say.