talking

I just wish he would talk to me. Like come on. We are going to talk about this sooner or later so why can't it just be now. I did at least get to ask how it went...... and he said it went good.... But he called T and he didn't sound like himself. He sounded like really down, definitely not like he was happy and such. So like what the hell. I don't know what to think at this point and he won't talk to me and it sucks. So much is running through my head right now. It's so confusing because he said it went well but then he sounded down and doesn't want to talk. GAH. Like I just want to know what's going on. At this point, honestly I kinda think what ever is going to be said is going to be bad as far as him and I go. But I guess I never know until we actually talk and I have no idea when that will be. I just need to know, whether it is good or bad, I have to know. I can't move anywhere if I don't know what's going on. I just hate this. I think at this point it is going to be bad but I still want to know. I need to know. I need to know if I'm going to be happy or go cry. Telling me later won't save me any hurt. I don't know maybe he's just trying to process things... which I mean I get... But I still wish I knew. Maybe he will look at this later or early tomorrow but who knows. I just need to get all this out now. I need to know things and it's killing me that he won't even talk to me. Gah. It going good probably has set us back quite a ways.... a while seems to be getting farther and farther away. And it sucks. So much. Relationships can last anywhere from a week to a year. UGH. I know I was jumping ahead of myself there because who knows if that will actually happen. But yeah.
I guess on a brighter-ish note, it was still only a first date.... lots of time for something to go terribly wrong :P
And gah I don't want to be that terrible person that wants things to go badly in a relationship for someone.... but I kinda do wish something will ruin things for them. Which sounds terrible! I know it does and I almost just want to delete it right now. But who am I kidding.
I guess I just have to know that we have something special and hope that it stands up to whatever is thrown at it.... I really hope it does... I love him. So much.





I don't know what to do.