You feel so low that you can't feel anything at all

There keeps being ups and downs. Like my last post was the good before the storm I guess you could say. We were good and having a nice convo and then it went back to us. Okay sure, I'm afraid of being alone and losing you because I thought you and I were it. I'm scared you were the one for me and I'll never love again. Say what you want but there's still something there that's worth exploring. I just don't get how things went so far downhill so fast. We were literally so good not that long ago. Don't try to convince yourself that it's time to just cut us off. Don't let space and being busy get in the way. We have been good and we have loved in the moment. It's not just residual feelings from long ago. 

This morning has been rough. I hope I don't feel like this for long. Because I am showing straight up signs of depression. Loss of appetite, loss of interest in things I previously really enjoyed, loss of motivation, feeling empty. There's a difference between situational depression from reacting to something and then actually being long term depressed. And I am 100% not saying this to make you feel bad. No no. I'm saying this because I feel like my best friends can know about it. Because I'm scared of feeling like this. It's awful. It sucks the joy right out of living. But don't worry, I'm going to keep pushing through it. I just wish it was easier. That emotions really did work on a switch.