But he's a headin west

Well today was definitely better than yesterday. Very minimal crying today. The impact and shock is always the worst part. But then questions get answered and you can start to come to terms with things. Don't get me wrong, it still sucks, a lot. But I'll get through it, I always do. 

I just still can't help but think that the feelings haven't gone away, you've just shoved them to the back of your mind and ignored them. Feelings don't just go away in a couple weeks. And I feel like feelings are the most real when you're actually with the person and we haven't had a lot of that lately. Which has to be a contributing factor. And i guess correct me if I'm wrong, which you haven't yet, but things had been good when we were together. Brief, but workable. Feelings were still there. So it would have been great to get a real chance there. To spend quality time together and be connected. Because we had mostly just been having lunch together, a couple hours max. Which wasn't ideal at all but it was doable. 

And whether you believe this or not, I do get wanting to give someone an honest chance. I get it, and I get that I'd be in the way of that. So I think it was easier for your brain to convince you the feelings just went away. But after like 6 years of not really being able to stay away from each other, how can a couple weeks change that? 

And sure, maybe this time will be different, but I have gotten this we're just friends speech before. And yes it was taken seriously for a while but it didn't last. So no offense, but how am I supposed to think this time will be different? Maybe you'll stick to it for quite a while but I believe in our love and that it'll come back around. Stifling feelings is never a good thing. They always come out in some way, sooner or later. 

And you said we could have an honest chance after this. And how can someone with no feelings say that? I don't think they can. Ik I've told you already but we really deserve an honest chance of our own. There's gotta be a reason we have been kinda us for so long. So I think it could go really great. I do think we would be great. And if we aren't, at least there would be closure. At least we would have given us a real chance. 

And seriously, I'm not trying to wait around. I just haven't found anyone else I would want to be with. Which does also suck