Sending SOS from this tiny box

The past couple days have been better. I haven't returned to my fully normal self yet, but hey, progress. I've been mostly fine but then I have a nightly breakdown. So it's all definitely still affecting me. I'm just really pretty good at acting like everything is good. Literally had this convo with Shawn at work. Apparently the other cs girl got idk dumped by this guy she was like seeing but not dating and he is married. And so she was literally balling at work yesterday, so he says at least. Like at least I've learned to drop my life at the door and be a good employee. Even when I'm internally down, when people ask me how I am at work, I still joyfully say I'm good. And those are always the moments where it kinda hits me, I realize I've lied and I'm not really good. But it's work. It's cs. I have to be that helpful smile and I've gotten damn good at perfecting my customer personality. Because there's a difference. We talk about having a customer voice, well I think a customer personality is a thing too. And I dunno, it is kinda nice to kinda be known for always being upbeat and such. 

So I'm mostly fine. And then I go to shower before bed and the tears come. It's still not so bad, just a good release of emotions. 

I appreciate you still being my friend.