We both know we ain't kids no more

Okay okay. So I think I'm finally coming to the realization and acceptance that this is going to have to be something that I throw out into the universe and let things happen and see if we come back together. It's really out of my hands. You've made it clear I can't change your mind. So I just have to trust that things will be okay, whatever that means for me. I guess in a way I should just be glad that you still want to be friends with me. Completely losing you would be unbearable entirely. Be proud that I've already come this far. 

It's always the hard times that I lean back onto faith. And like I kinda feel bad, like you should celebrate your faith all the time, not just when you're in trouble. But here I am, turning to God and trusting He's got everything under control. Because what else can I do? I find a lot more strength in knowing He has a plan. God only gives us what we can handle. And everything happens for a reason. So while His plan isn't often clear while it's happening, when it comes time to look back on this, hopefully it will make more sense. 

Ya know, I go back and forth between being fine for quite a while and then being not fine. And like our minds like to play tricks on us so it makes me wonder, am I actually fine? Or am I not dealing with my emotions as I should, as if my brain is ignoring it, pretending it didn't happen to save the hurt. I guess to keep from going crazy, I have to tell myself you can be happy even when you are sad. If that makes sense? Rays of sunshine in the storm.  You were my ray of sunshine on cloudy days. 

When you're sad, it's hard to not keep looking back on happy moments and holding onto them tight. 

I still remember the first sleepover we had. That's the one that keeps coming to mind this evening