14

I'm numb.

But at the same time, I feel so weird. Like... something is my chest kinda feels weird. It's so hard to explain. It's as if my heart has gone cold.

Is this what moving on feels like? Is that what's going on?

I haven't even eaten anything today and it's getting close to dinner time.

Is this going to send me into depression? I imagine this is what depression feels like. I just want to be really happy with life again. Like I was with you.

This can be the end for now. But this cannot be the end for ever. I remember us. Please remember us too. I remember how happy we were.

I kinda can't believe it has been so long since we were together. But at the same time, I totally can. It feels like it has been forever since we have been together. And I mean it kinda has been. 14 weeks, in case you didn't pick up on that from the title. That is such a long time. A long time. And seriously, there has got to be a chance for us again. What we have is so special. But that chance is not in the present, it is somewhere in the future. Who knows how far into the future. A month? 3? 6? A year? I am going to do my best to move on. But once that chance is here again, I am going to go after it.

For now, I think maybe the best way to move on is to fill the void? I don't even know how to move on. It's really hard to do something that you don't know how to do. I'm not like him. It hasn't just happened for me like it did for him. Although, honestly, from my point of view, it was Sena that made him move on. Because before her, we were making steps forward. Baby steps, but they were there. And since her, things have stopped. I think things have actually gone in reverse a bit. Actually no, they have gone in reverse.

He brought up that maybe it's a sign that we aren't right for each other that he can move on so easily. But you can just as quickly counter that with maybe it's a sign we are right for each other that I can't move on easily.

I'm still having a hard time with not having any control. Nothing is up to me. It's hard for me to just give up on us. How can I just give up on our true love?

I made a sad music mixed CD. I have a feeling it will be getting a lot of use in the near future.