mood.

So yeah I'm in a mood. I just... I don't know what to do anymore. Some times I am doing pretty good and then others I feel completely lost. And I just wish we could finally talk because I really need to. And it needs to be you that I talk to because there's just stuff that I want to talk about and clarify and just ugh. You don't get it. And I know that you could have tonight because T mentioned that you had asked about if our group was hanging out tonight. But whatever I guess. I just need a good talk and a good hug and ya. Idk. I can't force you into it. But you said you would. And I think you still don't get my want for in person communication.... maybe I should put it this way.... don't get mad at me... it just seems like when everyone else is around, you kinda put up a front. It's hard to explain, you're just kinda different. I think everyone does that to a point but yeah. Texting is not even close either. Talking to you when it's just you and me, in person, is so much better. You're more caring and sincere and open. And I really miss getting to talk to you like that. I really miss you. There's so much I just want to talk to you about and say and get to know your point of view and all that. Ugh times like this, I miss us so much and I feel all alone. Ya I feel alone.

And all the memories are coming back. And I don't know. I wish we could just be like that again. I want that back. ..................................remember when you said I was your world? Remember how happy in love we were? Why can't we just have that back? Just drop everything else and have that back? I know we can be like that again. When we have been together just us, it's close to that again. second chance. Maybe we got a little boring, and I get that, but we can do other activities. I am open to that. We could try new things. Be adventurous. I want to be like that. I want to do that with you. We could do all sorts of things. Scary movies would still be a must but we could go do things too. We could actually go out on more dates since we didn't really do that much but now we could. But yet it is still all up to you. Because you know I'd go back to you in a heart beat. And you know you have the power over if that happens or not. I just think a second chance for us would end up being really good. We would be really good. 

Some times I am fine. Other times I feel like I'm still broken in 2.

....and I want to be excited for the possibility of something with someone else... but Idk. I think I still wish it was you. Because I love you. And I know you love me too. I just... I don't know. Sometimes I just want to hit my head against the wall because I just don't know. Some times I feel like I don't know anything about anything anymore.

I think I just need you to help me and talk to me and explain things to me in that super caring way that you do.

I hate that I've been crying during like this entire post.