6 weeks

so as of tomorrow it will have been 6 weeks... that's a long time... But what sucks is that I don't think we are anywhere close to actually really maybe getting back together... I have a feeling this will take probably 6 months... which is approximately 24 weeks... meaning I am hopefully a 4th of the way there... I dunno... this all just sucks. I wish things would be better again. I've been waiting so long. I am starting to have some pretty decent days but yet I still haven't really gotten to the point of having good days and being happy. I have mostly good days until I start thinking to much or say something stupid. Yesterday was actually pretty good. We talked some at school and even went out to lunch together... He likes to pick on me a lot. And yesterday he also brought up a couple bad things I have done to him... like over reacting about something from months ago and then the car thing again. He says he's over them but why else would he bring them up again? They make me feel terrible. I regret every bad thing I ever did to him and I wish I could make it better. I wish things would hurry up and be better. I am getting exhausted. I feel like I don't have time to recover from what's already happened before the next thing happens and knocks me back more. And this morning I told him that I miss us and he said that he sometimes misses us too.... sometimes is more frequent than occasionally, right? Blah. But yet he also doesn't think we will be together again 2 months from now... Maybe I'm crazy for this but I keep hoping that one morning he will wake up and realize he wants us. But he doesn't deal with things the same way I do. He recovers quickly. At least that's the front he puts up. I do still kinda think that he misses us and stuff more than he will admit to me because he doesn't want to lead me on... But maybe I'm just crazy and think that to comfort myself. Blah. While life is going so slow in some aspects, it's also flying by in others. Like the day by day seems to drag but looking back its like damn its already been a month and a half. I just want to make him happy and want him to make me happy. Because I think we really did that for each other. I just don't know what to do. Maybe him and I can have a heart to heart some time soon.... but until things get better, I just have to keep trudging through