I miss being your girl. Even when we weren't actually dating, it was still just like idk understood that I was yours. If that makes sense.
I miss drinking with you. I miss watching breaking bad. I miss going to bed with you after crazy nights and waking up with you and just bumming around for a while before returning back to the "real world" and responsibilities. I miss you complimenting me. I miss the ass slaps in the hallway. I miss hanging out at the bridge. I miss our scary movie habit. I miss coming over and having dinner with you and your family.
Damn I was awkward as hell back then. I mean I'm still kinda awkward but I like to think I've got some charm as well. Still can't help but wish for another chance. To do it all again. Not redo the past, just a chance to do that stuff again. As adults. Growing up with you by my side was great. But we were kids. I've only recently really started to feel like an adult. I mean by recently I mean like a year and a half probably. But like I want a grown up chance. Not to say it wasn't serious before, because it was, but yeah. Maybe I was dumb but I really did see myself marrying you. I thought you were it. Now I don't know. I mean how can you be it when things are like this. But just a couple months ago, things weren't like this. So who knows. I'll keep a chance wide open for you. Maybe someday. They always say that if you love someone, you'll let them go. And if it's true love, they'll come back to you. And I mean yeah, but sometimes life just gets in the way. Things are rarely black and white, right and wrong. I would give anything to know if you are right or wrong for me. But for now I'm stuck in the gray. And it's like I'm simultaneously forgetting you and remembering everything about you and us.
I still remember your 16th birthday. It was kinda cool and rainy. We went up to St. Peter to the park and took a little walk. That was nice. I feel kinda shitty for not really remembering the other birthdays. I think the others were more casual. The usual kind sweet text and maybe going out to eat. Memories tend to start to blur together
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