h/p

so in case y'all didn't notice, I've kinda been having a hard time since getting home. I think reality just really set in again and everything was real again. Yeah yeah, reality never left. But when you are almost a thousand miles away on vacation, you're away from it all. It kinda seemed like life had stopped. Except it didn't, it kept right on. And now I'm back and sprinting to catch up. And it's hard to be away from everyone. It makes things weird. I haven't seen any of my friends in 2 weeks. So tomorrow will be really great. Honestly... I dunno, I think it will be one hell of an interesting weekend. Sunday night, once we all are home again, that's when we can see the outcome of the weekend together. But hey, at least for now, I think I'm doing better. I think our conversation did help in the end. I mean, the reason is a pretty big one, but at least it is the only one. So the positive is that there isn't a bunch of other stuff that would have to be worked out. Just like how there are some positives to this whole situation. It has made me stronger. It has made me more aware of my actions and how they affect other people. We have become really good friends and I really love that. It has made us closer. It helps things now, and if maybe someday happens, it will help make us even better then too. And... I have a better idea of how to be a better girlfriend to you. So again, if maybe someday happens, that will really help us be better than ever. I... know that I need to realize when I have a good thing and to just be happy. Like what the hell was I doing this winter. Being sad for really no reason. Being sad doesn't help. So I really try to find positive and focus on that. I don't try to be negative. Sometimes it just happens. But I do try to get out of it. You should know that. Even on vacation, I was sad for a bit but I still smiled and got better. And even after our conversation today, during which I cried yet again, I smiled after it. I still get sad but then I get happy again. And if you were mine again, I wouldn't take that for granted or not realize what I had. I would be so happy just because we were together. I don't know what I'm trying to get at. I just want you to know that I do do my best to stay positive and be happy. I know that both of those things help situations. And now I've just kinda been stuck here for 10 minutes er so. I feel like I have more to say, but I'm not coming up with words and sentences to type out. I dunno, like I said, I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with this. Just letting you know I guess. Because I know that at this point, it doesn't change anything. Maybe someday. I love you