together.

so... I will admit that what just happened... that worked... we were happy and laughing and really did have a good time together. But I don't think you can honestly tell me that 100% of the time, it was 100% just friends. I just... it's just not preferable. I mean, I know this all it's gonna be for Lord knows how long, and I guess that is okay with me. Because like I said, we did have a good time. I just still wish it was more. I had to hold back tonight and that was the weirdest feeling ever. It was just generally kinda weird. Because that wasn't us. We never sit so far apart for so long unless we are fighting. But I knew we weren't fighting. Nights like tonight are great. I love being with you. I love it when we are good. But yet it is weird. I still want more but now more than ever, I can't have more. So it's bittersweet. The good parts about it are so good. But then I'm sad that this is how is it and that we can't be more. But like.... T you were kinda right... what you said earlier and I denied... Maybe it's a sign that we still can't manage to be not us. Have you ever thought about that? That maybe it's a sign that we really just can't stay away from each other. ...I haven't even mentioned our talk. That was seriously a really great talk. I absolutely fall head over heels for that side of you. Talks like that are the reason that I always want to talk in person. When you really show your softer side and are really sweet like that.... It was really hard for me to not just totally fall back into us. I really wanted to. But I couldn't. I just.... I can't wait for the day that I can. I am still convinced that we would be really great. And... I'm sorry for not really believing you when you said you are proud of me for doing so good.... But I just couldn't because I don't really think I am doing that good. It's obvious I'm not over you. I mean I can recognize that this is how things have to be and that for now, this is best for us, both the present and future us. But I just don't like it. At all. But I know that I have to try. So I'm gonna keep on trying.

Thank you for tonight. We should definitely hang out again soon.

I love you.