The reason I'm still definitely applying to Iowa State is.... it's my way out. If everything here goes wrong, it's my way to get out of here and start over. If this town becomes nothing but a goodbye town, filled with the ghosts of my past, then I will have somewhere to go. Now, I really hope it doesn't come to that. It's honestly my last resort. I still really hope our living situation works out. That's what I want. I want there to be reasons to stay here. But it's not really up to me. You have the control. But now you know. Where I go is going to depend on my relationships with people here. Just 2 people, actually. T and Z. Truly, the most important people in my life, besides family.
...this is probably a fairly big reason why it seemed like I has shifted the focus from you to me. Because in my brain, I was trying to prepare myself for possibly a completely different life path. I know there is no excuse for it, I'm just trying to figure out what was going on with me and try to explain it to you. So yeah.
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