erm

so that was an interesting weekend. Friday night I ended up talking with A for a while and then we hung out with N too. So that was interesting. I learned that Z has done stuff with someone else... more than once... but.... like it must not mean that much if he's still ya know doing stuff with me and telling me he loves me and all that. Soooo yeah I'm not sure what to think of that. Like obviously I have no right to get mad... and I'm not mad.... Like he has every right to... I guess maybe it just hurts a little. But oh well. Then Saturday was crazy busy! From like 10:30 to 2:45 I was with my family, including some family that had come up from Iowa. That was actually pretty fun! I dominated at mini golf too. Thennn after that I went and hung out with Z for a while... and we went all the way... That was fun and it really is a good stress reliever. And I do not regret it. I would do it again. I got there and he was laying in bed and I didn't really know what to do so I sat next to him and poked him and then he grabbed me and pulled me close. And then afterwards we were laying there being playful and cuddling a lot and such. Which I love doing. That was great. Honestly, I felt really loved. And I get that it doesn't change anything now, but hopefully some day, us being able to be like that, be us, will help change things. And after that I hung out with T for a while and then N too and then Z joined us too. So we all hung out. And then C came and C and T left and then N left and it was just me and Z for a little bit. We pretty much just cuddled together in a chair. It was kinda like we were dating again and I loved it. And I don't regret it. Like I am actually doing pretty good since then. He still makes me happy.