10

So now it is day 10... eventually I will probably stop counting the days so much... I really wish I could get inside of his head and know exactly what he is thinking about me and us... like sometimes, we are really flirty and sometimes it almost seems like he doesn't want to talk to me... but then in the next text he will say something surprising... like this morning... He told me that he misses us too... Notice how I said too. That's cuz I told him that I miss us first and then he said he does too. Which did kinda surprise me a little bit. I guess he must seem to have more self-control maybe it is? He can deal with missing us and wanting us to be friends  to be better in the future better than I can... I keep telling him that I miss us and that I want us back together... I know I say it a lot but I guess that every time I say it, I hope that he feels the same way and changes his mind... and I mean he told me to act, not over think things so much. Nothing wrong with just letting him know. Even though I do know that at this point, it doesn't really change anything. Good news is that we talk a lot. Quite a bit at school too. So I think that that is really good... I think our friendship is moving along... And I just thought of this now... But I think the sting of the pain is gone... I mean it still hurts... but for now, I am pretty much in equilibrium... I am okay with how things are right now... But I know that this is a fragile state... at any time really, something could happen that will knock me off balance again. But I would say that I am doing a lot better, which is great. I can't wait for this weekend. I home that I get to see him again and I hope that it's great again. I love talking to him and being with him. Seriously, Sunday night in the car... I keep thinking about it. It was great and made me so happy and at the same time, it made me really want us and love us and love you. This is just all so crazy baby