Chemical

I have this pattern of being self destructive. It's not necessarily often, but a pattern none the less. And every time I can see it happening. But I never know how to stop it.

Usually it's in the form of a habit of wanting to know things that end up hurting me. I just like knowing my position, even if the truth hurts. But maybe I need to get over that compulsion. 

Welcome to the chemical imbalance inside my brain. 

Tomorrow morning will probably be an emotion reset and I'll be okay. There's a level of resilience that I possess that I love. 

Because as much as losing sucked to hear, 2nd place is a hell of a lot better than what could have been. 

Part of it comes from my desire to constantly better myself. In this case, I do want to be the best, but I don't feel like I need to always be the best, be number one. I just want to be better tomorrow than I was today.

And now I'm okay. I can get better. Improvement is possible, achievable, probable.