brave

...I think I'm getting on and moving along more than you guys realize. I mean I'll be the first to admit that a lot of times it seems like I'm split in 2, one half wanting to be over you and okay and on my own and the other half still missing you and wanting us just as much as 6 months ago. But, I'm getting there. I think the first step for me has been giving up. Giving up on us. Which was/is really hard because for so long, I truly believed we would be together forever. I really thought that this was it, that we would finally make it through everything life threw at us, together. So giving up on that belief is hard. But it's happening. Every day that goes by, it's fading. And at this point, unless something happens with you guys, which honestly who knows when and if it will, I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm going to be single throughout senior year. And I'm coming to terms with that. I mean, it won't be that bad I guess. At least I'll have my best friend. And like I said, it's going to be great and fun and exciting, with or without you. And I really mean that. If everything changes again, and we actually end up together at some point this year, then great. I can honestly say that that would be great. But I'm not holding my breath. I realize it's a long shot and that it's a lot more likely that nothing will happen with us this year. I have to have fun by myself. I need to love myself and love my life. But then again, the school year is 9 months long, which is a long time, and a lot can happen within those 9 months. But like I said, things would have to really change again. Although, life has definitely proven to me that things can drastically change really fast. So who knows. But unless that change actually happens, I've gotta keep on going the path that I'm on. I don't have blind hope. I realize how things are. This year is honestly probably going to be crazy and a lot of growing up is going to happen. I guess we will have to see what that means and what the consequences are for that. But anyways, I just figured I'd update you guys about where I am with this since neither of you guys truly know. You guys have your thoughts about how I am doing, but now you know more about what's going on in my brain with this. I think I'm at the point where, for now, I've given up on an us. But I also think that if we ever got a chance again, whether that be tomorrow or 10 years from now, I'd take it. In a heart beat. But for now, I gotta keep doin me. Guess we will just see what God has in store.