I am hurting.

where to begin....

maybe I'll start with exactly what the title says. I am hurting. You keep treating me like shit when other people are around. A little bit of teasing is okay, but you have gotten mean. I have built up a pretty strong wall against people's words... but you have kept tearing me down little by little and now I am at my breaking point. I have to stand up for myself. Tonight you called me names, including ugly, and said you didn't really care about me. How do you think that makes me feel? Pretty damn bad. ...I've cried more than once since getting home. Partly because of what you said, but partly because I knew I had to finally do something about it and I don't know how this is going to turn out. I really really really hope this helps and that things get better. Because I still really don't want to lose you. But if you keep this up, you are going to lose me completely. Maybe you don't want that, maybe you do. I honestly don't know anymore. So doing this is scary. But I don't deserve to be treated like I'm nothing. I am something. You used to tell me that I'm great and pretty and all that and now I'm getting the exact opposite words from you. When other people are around. When it's just you and me, you are good. This sucks. I'm just sticking up for myself. I want things to get better. I really really do. If there is anything I can do to help you, let me know. But know that things cannot continue like this. I cannot keep getting torn down by you. It hurts. It really hurts. I just want to be treated decently.

and yet somehow through all of this, I still love you. I really do.